So, you think I am nuts?

Saturday, January 28, 2006

another not so quickie

This is the only free time today for me to write this post because mom will be back from the market very soon and I will have to help out for the preparation for tonight's gala dinner. She actually left the house just before 6am to the markets in SS17, Bangsar and Bukit Bintang market.

It has been a busy week for me and no time to write and continue my ham sap story. I shall continue when the time is right...now no inspiration to write salty salty wet wet story. Now thinking of food, booze and $$$$$$.

The last 2 years, I have been avoiding visiting my aunties' and uncles' houses. Not really avoiding but I would give a brief visit during low period meaning when all the relatives have disappeared. My aunt's house is always packed with relatives from A till Z. I have been running away from them for 2 years, just can't face them and don't even know what to say. But I guess, its in everybody's mind on how and what I have been doing since the D Day. YES.....D DAY.

As the years went by, I felt less bitter. The first year was hard. Totally avoided all family functions. Last year, I started to push myself and attended a family wedding because it was inevitable but still avoided family reunions. I would like to start this year BOLD. I don't know what has gotten into me but I feel bolder this year. I know its only 28 days since the beginning of 2006 but I want to start it on the right note.

I feel reborn. Each year becomes better for me. I become bolder and hopefully more confident and of course I notice I have become more "siao". It's true, I have heard people saying that I am "siao siao". Naik kepala angin. Sometimes I wonder how my friends tolerate me or have tolerated me .

I have a strong feeling that I will make a surprise visit to my aunt's house on the first day of CNY. Face the Music. I shall treat is like RAP. If I don't do this, I will have to wait another year which means I will have to carry forward the feeling of running away and I really don't want to run away anymore. Tired of running away. Just want to face it and get it over with, just to satisfy myself and boost my confidence level.

Just yesterday, during the dentist visit, my baby's dental visit, the dentist asked her where her daddy is. We kept quiet because she really did not know how to answer. We kept quiet for a while and he asked again where daddy was. I had to tell him we do not live together anymore but I could say it without feeling bad. I did not feel bad but maybe the dentist felt uneasy. Poor thing! The fact is, I have said " I am a single parent" for thousand times and each time I am able to say it confidently and with ease. Practice makes perfect. So, I guess same goes for family reunions. Each gathering will become easier and by then I will be numb and all the needles prick will be less painful. Whack whack hantam hantam ......just go la.

Oh yes, I will face another question by a lot of "patt porr" who do not know about my background and the grand question is, "when is the second child coming?" I hate this question more than anything. But I still managed to tell them my present status making some of them feel uneasy. Ha ha...good. Not that I have been nasty but just telling the truth boldly.

There is a saying in Hokkien,

tua suu pien seh suu ( big problem become small problem)
seh suu pien boh suu (small problem become no problem)

I always bear this in my head.

Happy New Year everyone and may you win win and fatt fatt this year

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this year sister also became more "patt porr" as my mom calls me. i put rabbit , peony, lovebirds in my room hoping for "thou farr wan" (peach blossom luck for my knight in shining armour), i gonna pray "thai suey", i gonna throw olenges on chap goh meh, I wear gold abacus on my bracelet for wealth, i wear redstone ring for luck, i also wear my "fuu" ( amulet) for protection......now i look like a christmas tree pulak and..... and my mother bought me a RED blouse, and i painted my toenails shocking RED, of course clean my room but however i clean also messy, paid all my debts, and ah, my altar i bought gold joss sticks and garlic painted in gold ( in chinese it means got money to count), fill up my car petrol tank............whoooa....brakes brakes..........now i really sound......no, not sound but i really am a PATT PORR............

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