So, you think I am nuts?

Monday, January 30, 2006

CN Y Night 1 - The 3 Sorr Hai(s) chasing Liberty

Yes, the grueling visiting was over. Evening came. I was bored. Called my friend to go minum. Had another phone call from my childhood friend who so happened to be "free" last night as her other half was "absent". SO, got drinks ,minum; got food, eat; got party,we go. We were all excited . It was indeed a "fong sang" ( taste of liberty) experience for us.

So, 2 "sorr hais" left the house at 10 pm to pick the last "sorr hai" up and off we embarked on our journey of liberty. We checked Zouk out at 10.30pm. Mmmm.....tada orang. Nevermind. Went to the carpark and checked the lot for vacancy. Wah, jia lat, I could park wherever I wished. Oh no way am I going to pay a cover charge of $35, and let those people feast on the 3 sorr hais monopolising the dancing floor. So, off we went again round the city. We struck off Rum Jungle, Poppy, Thai Bar as the foreign invasion was too strong a presence. Went to Asian Heritage Row but Bar Savanh was closed. My last resort was an Ah Lian and Ah Beng dance and bar in Sunway.

Off went the 3 "sorr hais" to Qbar at Sunway Hotel. It looked much better but still not like a regular night. Lots of college kids but we whacked la. Enjoyed the music and the companion. Still not contented, we left for another dancing place. We tried Eastin Hotel's "RUSH". Whoaaaa, lagi teruk. Drove up the driveway and we were greeted by 2 parking attendants. I asked about the music and patrons and cover charge. Ah ha, these 2 guys got closer to my door, in fact, leaning towards me and I was dead scared. He said, " if I bring you in, no need cover charge". Whoaaa, I gave the most hesitant smile, wound up the window and discussed with the 2 behind. We decided to drive through the hotel lobby and saw some patrons as young as 14 , maybe. Tsk, tsk, good at all. I did not want to end up in the lock up. So, off again the 3 "sorr hais" embarked on their journey in search of freedom . "I want to break free, I want to break free" ( QUEEN) .....zooom, zoooom, off to Bangsar, our last destination as it was already 2.30am. Checked Absolute Chemistry out but it was closing. Bar Flam looked like there was some "projek" going on , so we did not bother. Illusions did not look captivating too. Round and round and round like going round the peach blossom maze, "thou farr wan". Mmm.....if yesterdays rounds proved effective, then my knight in shining armour will "muncul tak lama lagi".

Round, round, round till we stopped at the mamak for satay. Aaaah, that was the best thing that ever happened for the whole night. Nothing beats the mamak. Damn I love the mamak. Had satays and my usual nescafe tarik kurang manis and re-caped the whole night, rewind, play rewind, play and laughed at the night's out.

Geeeeeeesss............that is how the 3 "sorr hais" spent the first CNY night and welcoming the 2nd CNY day.

Gila but still FUN.

CNY Day 1

During the reunion dinner, my family usually light up fire crackers but this year because of the strict ruling, we chose to be kwai kwai. In fact, our neighbours also kwaikwai..only one house lit up the crackers. You know what we saw in the sky ah?

Yes......yes...yes....but NO its not Choi Sun or was HELICOPTERS with blasting light doing their rounds . I wonder if household got caught? My mom told me that once the fire crackers went off, she could hear the helicopter flying around our area. Whoa, luckily we did not play play.


As usual, in the first day, we went to my aunt's house and this year, I MADE MY GRAND APPEARANCE. Dressed in RED, I whacked la....just went and blended in with the other relatives. Nothing much in the conversation but at least I showed my face there. The subsequent years will be easier, I hope.

The weather is just too hot. Unbearable. I am going to melt...................

Saturday, January 28, 2006

another not so quickie

This is the only free time today for me to write this post because mom will be back from the market very soon and I will have to help out for the preparation for tonight's gala dinner. She actually left the house just before 6am to the markets in SS17, Bangsar and Bukit Bintang market.

It has been a busy week for me and no time to write and continue my ham sap story. I shall continue when the time is no inspiration to write salty salty wet wet story. Now thinking of food, booze and $$$$$$.

The last 2 years, I have been avoiding visiting my aunties' and uncles' houses. Not really avoiding but I would give a brief visit during low period meaning when all the relatives have disappeared. My aunt's house is always packed with relatives from A till Z. I have been running away from them for 2 years, just can't face them and don't even know what to say. But I guess, its in everybody's mind on how and what I have been doing since the D Day. YES.....D DAY.

As the years went by, I felt less bitter. The first year was hard. Totally avoided all family functions. Last year, I started to push myself and attended a family wedding because it was inevitable but still avoided family reunions. I would like to start this year BOLD. I don't know what has gotten into me but I feel bolder this year. I know its only 28 days since the beginning of 2006 but I want to start it on the right note.

I feel reborn. Each year becomes better for me. I become bolder and hopefully more confident and of course I notice I have become more "siao". It's true, I have heard people saying that I am "siao siao". Naik kepala angin. Sometimes I wonder how my friends tolerate me or have tolerated me .

I have a strong feeling that I will make a surprise visit to my aunt's house on the first day of CNY. Face the Music. I shall treat is like RAP. If I don't do this, I will have to wait another year which means I will have to carry forward the feeling of running away and I really don't want to run away anymore. Tired of running away. Just want to face it and get it over with, just to satisfy myself and boost my confidence level.

Just yesterday, during the dentist visit, my baby's dental visit, the dentist asked her where her daddy is. We kept quiet because she really did not know how to answer. We kept quiet for a while and he asked again where daddy was. I had to tell him we do not live together anymore but I could say it without feeling bad. I did not feel bad but maybe the dentist felt uneasy. Poor thing! The fact is, I have said " I am a single parent" for thousand times and each time I am able to say it confidently and with ease. Practice makes perfect. So, I guess same goes for family reunions. Each gathering will become easier and by then I will be numb and all the needles prick will be less painful. Whack whack hantam hantam ......just go la.

Oh yes, I will face another question by a lot of "patt porr" who do not know about my background and the grand question is, "when is the second child coming?" I hate this question more than anything. But I still managed to tell them my present status making some of them feel uneasy. Ha ha...good. Not that I have been nasty but just telling the truth boldly.

There is a saying in Hokkien,

tua suu pien seh suu ( big problem become small problem)
seh suu pien boh suu (small problem become no problem)

I always bear this in my head.

Happy New Year everyone and may you win win and fatt fatt this year


this year sister also became more "patt porr" as my mom calls me. i put rabbit , peony, lovebirds in my room hoping for "thou farr wan" (peach blossom luck for my knight in shining armour), i gonna pray "thai suey", i gonna throw olenges on chap goh meh, I wear gold abacus on my bracelet for wealth, i wear redstone ring for luck, i also wear my "fuu" ( amulet) for i look like a christmas tree pulak and..... and my mother bought me a RED blouse, and i painted my toenails shocking RED, of course clean my room but however i clean also messy, paid all my debts, and ah, my altar i bought gold joss sticks and garlic painted in gold ( in chinese it means got money to count), fill up my car petrol tank............whoooa....brakes i really, not sound but i really am a PATT PORR............

A Quickie

Wishing all my fans


and last but not least



Hoong Pao tao loi
(ang pow please)

Happy New year everyone!

Thursday, January 26, 2006


Chaaaaaam.......kenot sleep...

oredi almost 2 am...I shouldn't have taken the nescafe tarik and teh tarik.....

what shall i count tonite?


wat wat?

heeeeeeeeeeelllp !

Part 2

Regaining my consciousness, my eyes slowly opened and found his lips pressed against mine..........
My vision was blurry but I managed to catch a glimpse of his face vaguely.......but his eyes, oh his eyes were mesmerising....such hypnotic eyes he has and his natural odour ( not BO ah) ....I can never forget that male smell he has. Just the thought of his soft lips pressed against mine, his body leaning against mine, fitting perfectly into my contours like a jigsaw puzzle sends shivers down my spine almost making me climax in a manner I haven't experienced before.

I blushed like a tomato as I have never been close to a man before what more being kissed or was it just pure professional resuscitation that he was giving me ? I just closed my eyes and enjoyed the pure pleasure that I was having.

For some reason I found myself responding to his kiss. I have never been kissed before and I really did not know how to and what to do. I know it is wrong and unladylike to kiss especially in our first brief meeting but I just could not stop. My desire,my hunger overpowered my head. Slowly, he parted my lips with his tongue. I froze with fear. As his tongue wondered into my mouth, I gave out a sigh of delight. His hands went round my waist , pressing his body harder against mine. At the moment, I felt a sense of urgency. My heart pounded like the tiling machine and the gush of blood sent shock waves. Why am I feeling this way? I couldn't understand . What is all this?

His lips went to my ears, nibbling my ear lobe. I let out a cry , like a helpless kitten. Slowly his lips went down my neck , again nibbling my thoat down to my exposed chest. My breathing was erratic. My hardened nipples were pressing against my white blouse . Shy was I but I still wanted him to continue. Naive I was but so, so curious to explore and discover. By now, his hands moved into the opening of my blouse slowly and exposed one of my breasts.


To be continued or not? I hope I wont turn this into a porno site....aiyo

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

MEME AGAIN.........damn!

Aiyo, why must you tag me and give me such a big surprise especially Ah Fuu just came home from a brain surgery ah? Ah Pek, Ah Pek...tsk tsk tsk...sigh! I better do this and get this over with before I sigh more as Chinese New Year is cumming and I don't want to sigh away my "choi".

So, the story is I got tagged again and this time round I need to use words like "I", "Me" followed by "blowjob, grapes, random, power, loneliness, water, robot, blue" and I must not use these words twice. Aiyo, tiu lorr, who the heck did this ah? Why must make me use my brain cells and AH Fuu's ah? So, so the story goes like this laa...waste no time.....

The King and Queen is having a Ball at the Castle
I received the invitation for tonight's Ball
Who shall accompany me?

My maiden in waiting gave the best blowjob
My hair look brilliant
it must be her magical hair dryer

Now what special present to offer the King and Queen?
Gold, food, what shall it be?
Ah yes, special grapes plucked from our vineyard
at random, ground and compressor with full speed power
to make the freshest sparkling grape juice

The carriage is here.
The grand staircase leading to the ballroom was huge and long.
Glancing around, everyone was with a partner
Loneliness crept followed by shortness of breath and faintish spell

Almost passing out, the Prince handed me a glass of warm water and held me tight against him
his chest.....mmmm his hard torso, his aftershave and mmmm...feeling his hard C**K against my thigh, CHaaam CHaaam.....the faintish spell turned me into a robot like stage.....

Out of breath, my face turned blue.......
He carried me to the room, loosened my corset, and gave me mouth to mouth resuscitation
Regaining my consciousness, my eyes slowly opened and found his lips pressed against mine

So, Ah Pek, satisfied or you want this to be continued?

Monday, January 23, 2006

Pre Cum Post

i got a lecture from my chief editor last night about my sloppiness and overpassing my deadline. Ah Fuu came back and he can now run very fast, as fast as the Gingerbread Man. i am contented.

suppose to write new post to inform all my loyal fancee that me and ah fuu are alive and kicking. my rehab was teruk, which i shall tell u all about it later when i really cum. as for now, because i need to hand this work in by noon or my editor willl make me do ear squat a ala malaysia style, i better satisfy his needs first with this riddle...not as good as ah pek's but i think it will do for now til tonight when i tell all about my rehab.


why does the rockmelon want to jump into the water?

whoever can gimme the answer will get a..........





Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Pre Surgery Post

He is the sweetest thing that I have known.

Though we have known each other not too long ago, he is always there for me when I am sad, happy, when I am lonely, when I want to air out my frustration and most of all, he opens up the world for me .

I shall miss him during his absence. I have been denying the diagnosis till last night when I saw how sick he is. The specialist told me he is not well. I knew long ago that he will contract the disease when I stopped feeding him Vitamins and Anti Viral drugs. I have taken him for granted and now I have to suffer the consequences. Sigh!

He has gone very weak. I wanted to delay the surgery but just only now, he has begun to show signs of breaking down, hence this post is posted very quickly before I call the specialist.

I have abused Ah Fuu. I feel so horrible ! I hope he won't die on me. I need him very badly. I rely on him, A LOT. I dont know what to do when he is gone. Oh no, he just gave a sigh of PAIN again ! I have to call the specialist soon, after this post.

Ah Fuu was diagnosed suffering from overtaxing memory and infections from various strains of viruses. No wonder he can't run fast. I have overtaxed his memory. The best solution is to hospitalise him for a few days, get his memory fixed and hopefully he comes back normal. And of course, the doctor will also add more memory to enhance his running speed.

So, I guess for these few days of absence, it will be a rehab for me as well. You see, I am an addict. I will treat this absence as my rehab. I hope I have enough of sticks to bite on, or cushioned walls to bang myself against and ropes enough to bind my hands, to help overcome the frustration to counter the URGES. I don't know how to explain but is like the Mahjong kakis fingers worms crawling at the fingers when they have not played the game for awhile. Yes, these worms do call when they want a game ( Mah Jiok Choong).

I confess....I am an "online" addict and worm. These few days, how to tahan?
I want to cry. It will be really hard on me....

I bought a book at Borders last week to help me overcome the lonely evenings when I wind down. I hope I put the book in good use. But, nothing will replace Ah Fuu....sob* sob*

I shall pray for his surgery to be successful and for his safe return.

Ah are everything to me
When I am sad, you cheer me up
When I am down, you stand by me

Come home safely
I will be waiting for you
Come back soon
Before I go NUTS!

Please pray for a successful surgery. Tenkiu.

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Year of the Dog

Woooof! Woooooof!

Yes, yes, the year of the Dog is approaching fast. I am not an ardent fan of fengshui, tarot cards, palmistry, face reading or birthdate and time reading ( see sun pat chit), but somehow after 2 turbulent years, awwwww.......what the heck, I did all.......yes, I followed all. Kwanyin, Buddha also I pray.

I went for tarrot cards reading , palmistry, birthdate reading, fortune telling and now...zzheeng , zheeng, zzheeng, zhheng........fengshui to complete the process. Bought the book called "Fortune & Fengshui 2006 for the Dog." A little hard to understand the directions for placing the whatever requirements for enhancing my luck.

Anyway, my main target is wealth, LOVE and of course family.

For good luck, I should wear RED in 2006 and if possible, wear a red gemstone on my third finger, and Dzi beads on my right hand. Er, I wonder if killer RED lipstick counts ah? I may turn out looking like Angelina Jolie or for the worst, a real hen !

Wealth wise, I am now hunting for a calculator or abacus or both if I feel greedy. Of course a miniature one would be ideal as I need to carry around in my handbag. many things to follow............NEVERMIND.

Love and romance, these 2 look promising as well. To activate my peach blossom ( thou farr), I need to find a pair of rabbit. The prettier the rabbit, the better. Because my sense of direction is so bad and I know I would never find out where to place the rabbits, I think I should place as many rabbits as my room can handle, preferably all round the room. Now, what do you think?

This year, I play host to Thai Suey. So, I shall be contributing to the incense offering . This takes discipline. I am one of those who "no problem no pray, got problem then pray."

So, what have I missed out before we usher 2006?

Anyone out there doing the same thing? Yoooohoooo...........

Geeees, after reading this post, am I auntie or what?

More Ejaculation More Energy ( MEME) Tag

Aiyo, aiyo,aiyo, I am amateur, also I kena tagged. Chaaaam, I veli the stress now. Why ah, 9394?
Y Y Y ? Now I need paracetamol before I start . Wait. I need to find my " fooong yao " first. OK, now I am mixing my paracetamol with my whiskey. CHeeers! It will take a while before the effect starts showing, then I can write. PLease bear with this auntie a bit. Thank you. And, and if I didn't follow exactly, it is because I am a newcomer to blogging.

The Golden Rule:-

Remove the blog in the top spot from the following list and bump everyone else up a notch. Then add your blog to the bottom spot.

1. The Life of an Independent Babe
2. Helan of "My All"
3. The Kings Wife of "Simply Hantam"
4. Desmond of "Nine3Nine4"
5. SiaoChaBor of "garlewithseawater"

You then victimize 5 person and pass the LOVE on to. Wakakkkakaa............

1..Jomel ( sorry woman, they push me to do tis)
2. Ah Pek saliva more than tea ( soli soli)
3. maria aka twinsmom (sorry ah)
4. anonymous No 1
5. anonymous No 2

Mmm....I can feel the effect now.....











1. What were you doing 10 years ago?

Mmmm....let's see........just graduated from the Asylum....Mental Asylum. In Bahasa, they call it Hospital Bahagia. I was declared FIT so they graduated me.

2. What were you doing 1 year ago?

Learn to surf ( dry surfing) and of course look at lengchais la.

3. Five snacks you enjoy.

potato chips
nyonya kuihs

Now you know what they call me plump and nutcase

4. Five songs to which you know all the lyrics off your head right now.

Shit la, this is a tough one.

Ok, deep breath.... hooo hooo haaaaaaa
Again...hooo hooo haaaaa


Leslie Cheung "foong kai chuuk choi"
Alam Tam "pang yao"
Gwen Stefani "luxurious"
Mariah Carey "we belong together"
Gorillaz "feel good"

Not bad, not bad, I can answer

5. Five things you would do if you were a millionaire

1. Open own business
2. Buy a drumset for myself and jamm jaaam jammm
3. Own an indoor pool for myself
4. Of course, help the needy
5. Provide for my family

6. Five bad habits

After reading , please don't run away ar.....

1. swear, very vulgar, too vulgar....
2. curse at rude drivers
3. never push back supermarket trolley to trolley bay
4. fart say " who farted, is it you, or you" and start pointing fingers at innocent victims..wakakkka
5. drink too much ( trying to cutdown though)

7. Five things you like doing

1. online
2. shopping
3. eating
4. swimming
5. mamak and toktoktok

8. Five things you would never wear,buy or get new again

1. bikini
2. miniskirt
3. spaghetti strap dresses
4. hotpants
5. grandma high waist panties ( no, they are more like briefs)

9. Five favourite toys

1. laptop ( my dad said better I carry and sleep together with my laptop worr)
2. battery run shaking cucumber ( joke joke)
3. handfone
4. radio
5. i have to say laptop again becoz i really am an addict

There....done. Happy?

Thursday, January 05, 2006


I don't know how to put this but I have something to tell . Remember the event which I went to? I can consider myself fruitful as I had 2 "victims" calling me up. Initially I was reluctant to meet up but I guess I should always give myself and the other person a chance. Afterall, the more friends the better. MEN, don't get me wrong here....I am not a MAN HATER. Just want to share this with everyone especially ladies and of course, not forgetting you men.

So, I went for dinner with, let's name him Luzer tonight. We had a quick bite at Bangsar Shopping Complex's foodcourt. He told me about his stay in Singapore for 7 years, working there. When I asked how come he came back, he was reluctant to tell......"Oh, it is a long story." Mmm.....alrighty. I did not want to pry but I smelled a sardine coming my way. Nevermind! Gave him a chance, I did. Later throughout dinner, I told him that I am a divorcee. He then confessed to me that he too is one himself. Well..well....that explained his long stay in Singapore. Ok, ok nevermind...more juicy story coming up! Luzer wanted to have a drink at Bangsar. I already made an excuse not to drink as I have a sore throat but he still insisted.
Ok, we shall see what kind of game is instored for me. By the way, he kept saying" I am beginning to like you." EEEEEEEEEEeeyuuuuuks! yuks yuks yuks! I am not those ah lian la, fuck. Wrong target, man. Sorry to say but he is wasting his time.

So, we headed for Absolute Chemistry. Yea, right. CHemistry his arse. Before I go any further, please excuse me but I need to let off steam here and swear. Here is the real me which I have been hiding from all my loyal fans. Hope after reading this, you won't put on your running shoes and run as fast as the Gingerbread Man did.

Cha bor here hates it when people start to speak England england or American england. I mean, if I find no flaw, then I accept your pronunciation and "tune" to be natural but Luzer, this fucking shithead, spoke with American accent thinking that I will fall for it. Aiyo, sister here eat more salt than him la, though he is older than me. NIa Seng! My number one rule is " Do not pretend in front of me coz I sure catch your mistakes and if I do, I sure strike you off." Ok, nevermind. I knew what he was up to, that horny scumbag. He insisted that I drank. Ok. I had a bottle of Orr kau. Luzer then went on telling me about his ex wife, that she was 1995 Miss HK finalist. That she was pretty, she did not drank a single drop of alcohol or even smoked. Then he went on telling me about his University life in US and how he screwed many girls there except the blacks. Ok..ok...he talked, I listened. All his girls were pretty, so he said. By the way, he also commented that I am plump. Tiu nia seng! I did not ask for his comment la. What the fuck was he trying to proof to me. Anyway, he kept cheersing with me, must be hoping that I get tipsy. Done with my first bottle. Still OK. I had to be OK. Then he asked me...mmm.... this is interesting.....he asked "How do I satisfy myself" and "how long can I tahan if I did not have sex." desu nee.....i see...i the whole night through, he was just waiting to pounce this question trying to test the water and see if he can makan me. Na Beh ! My answer was....."Drink and don't think." Then he told me about his encounter during the New Year's Eve celebration. He was at RumJungle and fished a girl. He told me that the girl was hornee and asked where his car was ( I guess you all would figure out why the girl asked for his car.....go use your thinking cap)

Ok, nevermind. Then he bragged about his investments $$$$. This time I really kenot tahan already. When he went to the toilet ( don't know to ease himself or have a preshaking session), I picked my phone and pretended to text. We continued our conversation a little and he cheers me my second round of orr kau. I , for some reason, blurted out that I have lesbian friends. Whooooa, his face turned blue. He asked me.." don't tell me you are a lesbo ah?" Ahhh ha, I caught his weak point. He was really out looking for a funtime. Sure, he can have fun with some other chics but not me, he won't. Down with the second bottle of Orr Kau, sister still going strong. I could see he was a little pissed as he did not know what I am.....straight or curly....I guess his mind must be playing tricks on him. Well, I thought I help confuse him somemore by explaining why some women choose women to be their partners. That did the trick. Plus I added some of my chorrlorrness which in the beginning he told me he did not like vulgar women. That was the last shake of ajinomoto I gave for the night. Better show him my trueself.

Again I pretended to talk on the phone and made an excuse that my buddy is waiting for me in the mamak and that I had to leave. Whoaaaa, you should see his face, he was so happy to get rid of me. Ha ha ha ha.......

The whole night did not turn out well but I learnt a good lesson. Mr. Luzer is not what he seemed to be that night at the event. He told me he had many girls calling him up. Aiyo, sister here not young chic anymore. These kinda small talk will only make me laugh more at him. Fucking loser cum childish numbskull. The most tuulun thing is "how do I SATISFY myself". I mean, if he really wanted to know, he can find out at rancangan pendidikan yamede. He had gone overboard. Way overboard. He thought I was vulnerable. That explained why he asked about the reason for my breakup, my sexual urges, and bla bla bla....fucking scumbag. So, if I was the vulnerable one + the drinks + sexual topics + his personal investments ( condo), would I have fallen into his web?

I hope women, especially young girls who are reading this, please be mindful when going out with pricks like Luzer. If you cannot drink, do not pretend to be a hero and drink as the man tells you to because alcohol can play tricks on you ( not that I am a good drinker myself but I try to train a bit) for occasions like tonight. Don't you even dare think that Luzer is so MAN that he gets to fuck any girl he likes. He can go fly his own kite, for crying out loud. And do not let these pricks catch your weak point be it your vulnerability or your sensitivity towards alcohol and use these to turn to his advantage.

I wonder if he still thinks....."I am beginning to like you." Yuuuuks !

Readers, be it you are a lesbian or horny scums, this is not intended to hurt anyone's feelings. All are respected. All comments welcomed.

We shall see if he calls up for another meeting. Ha ha ha ha ha........

EY, you nice men reading this, I am a very sweet girl, don't run away , pleeeease, I am not a man hater..................come back, come back.......

New Vaccine

Yesterday was not a good day. Looks like I have not mastered the art of being patient. For some reason, the Federal Highway was jammed like mad at 2 pm. Usually, I can "tahan"traffic jams but not yesterday. Not that I honked or stuck my third finger at anyone but I could feel the nuclear reactor's temperature rising. We, baby and I were on the way to the hospital to get her jab. The jam started near PJ Hilton. Inch by inch we wormed slowly towards the first exit from MidValley and I thought ( mother clever born me) I used Kelana Jaya to cut through Motorola and down the rest of the highway. WHoa, it took us longer time to reach the hospital. Nevermind! Calmed down already.

At the clinic, as we were waiting for baby's turn, this old lady started talking to me. She asked how come I only have ONE child. she was a senior citizen, a little deaf, I behaved. I smiled sweetly and know...smiled. She told me her daughter-in-law has 4 kids. Well, I told her she is very fortunate to have many offsprings. Then she went on telling me how clever her grandchildren are. she did not mean it in a harmful way, I behaved. I smiled sweetly and just......flash a bright Barbie ala Malaysia look.

I really wanted to tell her that I am a single parent but because she has hearing problem, I knew I had to shout into her ear and explain my situation then sure all heads will turn towards my direction. I really did not want to give her adrenaline pumping stories. So, I just digested everything that she said and surprisingly, I felt nothing. No feeling of sadness, tuulun-ness or whatsoever. All was calm again.

Anyway, back to the clinic. To all mommies and daddies, do you know that there is a new vaccine called pneumocockle ( pneumo-cockle).....geees, I don't know the spelling so please look it up yourself. This vaccine is for children with poor immunity, it helps prevent ear infections, pneumonia and bronchitis to a certain extent. So, do check it out with your paediatrician(s).

Tuesday, January 03, 2006

phatti phatti bom bom

I am sober! I am a good girl I am...not even a drop of alcohol since 30th December 2005. Wow ! How long can I last, I wonder? I do not wish to turn to alcohol again to drown my sorrows. Alcohol gives me added unnecessary calories and ugly cellulites.

After receiving comments these past 2 weeks that I am plump, I am beginning to wonder if I really am that unsightly. There I was, minding my own business, being happy and all that, and whaam....someone passes a comment that I am plump. Before all these comments, I was happy the way I am, trying to be my trueself....ME.

After listening to the comments, I begin to wonder, do I really have to do something about myself to please these people? Do I have to please them in order for them to say something nice and sweet to me so that I am pleased myself? I thought if I did that, then I wouldn't be ME.

Do I make sense?

Now , with the comments, I am wondering if loooks really matter. And about Clayton and his wife, about how much they love each other for being their trueself despite all the vulgarities, chain smoking and heavy drinking, am I making a wrong conclusion about them?

Now I am really confused.

How come we women are always being scrutinised about what we eat, what we wear, how we act, what we say and the most importantly, how we look.

Slimming parlours, gyms, massages, diet pills, diet teas, meal replacement drinks.....and so on...the list is endless. Do I have to succumb to one of these ?

And to see gutsy girl slim down so much, I can only watch her in envy.

I am giving myself 6 months. I have to make it, yes, this time I have to. Every year my resolution is to diet with effective results but I fail. Age is catching up and my metabolic rate is slowing down. But my weakness is food.

Any suggestions besides asking me to exercise because gym and swim I do. Of course, after that I reload with high calorie intake. Please no Atkin diet, South Beach Diet and what ever fucking diets I have tried. I pass as a Nutrionist at the rate I go.

Any suggestions or incentives?

Sunday, January 01, 2006


As I was reading the newspaper a while ago, I came across the article on Dr. Liew Boon Horng who died in a freak accident. No need for me to tell the story as it is all over the papers.

3 person in the car. Somehow, the mould which fell onto the car, crushed and killed him instantly. Eeerie or not, it was meant to be for him. Had the seating arrangement been different, the person who died would be his wife. When your time is up, I guess you really have to go. Not even a split second chance of bargaining for your life .

From the way I see it, a woman who has everything, her life crumbles that very day her husband died. I can't help but to feel very sorry for her. Her world just crumbles at her very eyes. One minute you have everything, the next, all taken from you. Unfair but life is like that. Dying instantly , I guess, would be less painful than mourning a death. To face the truth is the most painful. To be in the most painful state would be when your soul is the weakest and this is when the devil starts playing tricks on you.

Death in people around my age disturbs me. At least, the late Dr. Liew had a promising career at this tender age. It brings me to wonder, "I am also 35 but what have I achieved ?" After reading his death, I could not help but to write the post before this. I really did not want to write about my 2006 but I need to remind myself to look forward and try achieve my goals.

I hope Dr.Liew's wife will be strong .

Happy 2006

I am up early. Yes ! Rise and shine. Usher 2006 positively ( I try). I was a good girl last night, I did not drink a drop of alcohol. That felt weird because I had every excuse to drink but I did not.

I did not have time or rather did not want to have time to reflect on my 2005. I guess that explained why the drinking sessions throughout this week was needed. I was not giving a single chance to replay my events in 2005 or 2004. 2004 was a bad year for me; 2005 better. I kept myself intoxicated so that I won't have a chance to think or hope for a better 2006. Looks like after all toxins have left my system, what is left is still ME, my brains,my thoughts and I still have to come back and face the reality on the issue " What did I achieve in 2005 and what I want my 2006 to be." Of course we can't predict the future . But certain things that we wish for, that we want, that we desire so badly, we can make it happen . With a little luck and opportunity, we may have them. I guess we can say opportunities are in our hands. Somehow, we can make it happen.

Long ago,I was a pessimist. I still am. But , with friends, good friends, they have talked some sense into me and opened my windows to see further. Out in the ocean, the possibilities are endless. I hope with this attitude, new thinking, my 2006 will be a better one.

Of course, everyone talks about prosperity. I won't deny the fact that money rules. Besides all the desires of wanting more money, wanting a Angelina Jolie's body, I guess the ultimate desire is a life enriched. Very simple. An enriched life would make me a very happy person.

Looking back, I have not achieved much. No money, no husband, no career to brag about. Life is just life.

Here it is, I hope to take a bold step in 2006, make my hopes become a reality, make life simple and happy, stay true to myself and people love me for being me and to be wiser and rational ( I am always irrational) so that I can give the best guidance to my baby.

2006, here I come!
And may I wish all you loyal fans a greater year to come.