So, you think I am nuts?

Saturday, December 31, 2005

end of 2005

and so ,my post continues. yes, i am back from my drinking session but it is not complete. not as knocked out as i had expected. had chivas regal at Qbar, then my orr kau at Finnegan's and now concluding with my brother's last drop of Ballantine's 21 years old aged whiskey. damn, i kinda sapu the rest of the bottle. hope he willl forgive me.

tonite was a good nite. though i did not dance with the ah lians and ah bengs, i had fun. the thing is, there has to be laughter during a drinking session. i guess thats to enhance the blood flow carrying the alcohol to the system.

on the way home, stopped for while to errmm.......dispose the toxins. my friend was kind enough to follow me back from the back of my car to see my arrive safely . aiyo kenot oredi

to be conitnued besok

Friday, December 30, 2005

SmallTalk First

soli my loyal readers. i just looked into the calendar and damn, I have till tomolo to wish you all the closing of 2005 and welcuming of 2006. If I do not come back in time, here is wishing all of you a very happy New Year 2006.

More yamede
More humsap stories ( i love)
Heartwarming stories



err...who wants to date me ah?

THis is gonna be a small small short short post. If I have time, I shall write a better post, I need to get ISO9001 for a better quality post.

2006, here I come !

Tuesday, December 27, 2005


I feel sick now. I should have listened to my friend and thrown up last night.

No, it is not food poisoning. I poisoned myself with "arak." Had a little too much to drink; in fact, it wasn't a lot but I guess with the "wrong" mood but right company, the alcohol sped up the process.

Nice fried calamari, spicy sausages, drinks, drinks, joke, joke, luff luff, and all added to this nauseating feeling . On the way back to the carpark, walking along the long stretch of road, the concoction was working up a storm in my tummy, to my oesophagus and almost popped out a few times but I managed to control. I did not want my friend to see me "tak cantik" puking on the road. And the fact that we laughed so much made the matter worse. I managed to walk to my car normally, opened my car door and ooops, bang on his car door parked next to me. Sorry ya, can you check if I left my autograph on your left door ka?

Of course, I had to leave some "clear thinking" nerves to guide me back home safely. Once home, I just had to complete the whole process, a lethal potion of whiskey did the trick.

It was a nice sleep. But, I should have discarded the toxin yesterday.

A new day has begun again. Bright and sunny.

Geees, am I nuts or what?

Monday, December 26, 2005

Inner Beauty

I don't know why suddenly I thought of my friend, my HK friend who is now married for 5 years or so. I hardly think of him and his wife but recently this special couple has been in my mind.

Why do I call them a special couple? There are many many special couples but why them?

Clayton has been my friend for almost 15 years. He is a wonderful, sweet, fun, drinker cum heavy smoker, foul mouth yet a gentleman kind of person. Not forgetting he is a well educated, a responsible father and husband, a filial son but still a joker since the first day I met him. I hardly knew his wife till I met her last year in HK.

I always wondered why she is the chosen one. Please do not get me wrong, I had and have no crushes on him. He has been a real friend. Yes, I wonder and wonder.

I have got the answer now.

I did not have the chance to get to really know her. If I were to describe her from her actions, she is a heavy drinker cum smoker, completes every sentence with a "TIU", a joker and I am sure a warm person at heart.

She has captured Clayton because she is SHE. She has given her most true self and I am sure this natural being of her has captured him. I know there are certain topics husbands do not discuss with wives and vice versa. Why don't they open up and share their thoughts with their loved ones? If they cannot bring themselves discussing, then why marry a person if you couldn't be honest and share completely? I would think that it would be a first step in their communication breakdown.

So much of pretending, so much of games being played during courtship , relationship or marriage and at the end of the day, we do not know which is the truth and which is not.

I guess Clayton loves her for being HER, the real her.

Fresh from the Oven Part 2

Thousand apologies ! My first post on the event was poorly recorded due to sleepiness. As I was showering a few minutes ago ( don't worry, I am not stark naked now,like the turkey), I had flashbacks on last evening's event and so I shall continue here.

Through the middle of the event, we found that many people have "disappeared." did I conclude this? It was because their numbers were called out to collect their lucky draw present but so many did not turn up. Aisey, Malaysians usually stayput during lucky draws hoping that they win something but last night was different. These men and women would sacrifice their lucky gifts in favour of erm...erm... Now I wonder where these people went to? Could they have found their other half? Thaaaaaat quick? Geeeeesss........

I met another lady working for the bank. She asked about my profession. And dare she did , she asked about my monthly income. Why are people so, so, so........insensitive ah? Or is it ME who is sensitive?

I did not like the speed dating style . It was like a fish market. We all had to stand and walk around, "scan" for our "target" or rather "victim" and "attack viciously." Some ladies were standing alone, I guess these are the shy ones. Eh, eh, I am also shy but what the heck. I took this opportunity to "hantam" my "victims." I found a man, dressed in batik, about 42 years of age, ok looking but not my cup of tea. However, always give the benefit of the doubt la. I shot my M 16 missile. I approached him, extended my hand, gave him a firm handshake and exchanged cards. The minute he spoke, WAH LUN EH, tak lulus dari kementerian SiaoChaBor. So, so , so SQUARE. I think he also was not interested in me la. Maybe I was too direct.....scared him off but, but , but I was not drooling. I checked. No saliva oozing out from my mouth YET. YET. So ah, you men reading this particular paragraph, you know what siaochabor likes ka? You have to be as siao as me, as daring as me and I guess a little crooked and yerrow in thoughts as me.

And so the "hunting" continued. Bosan liao. Already one hour of this game. People were restless. Then more lucky dips and more people disappeared.

I must give a pat on the back for those who made the effort in attending this event alone. A lot of them were newcomers. There was this guy sitting opposite me. He was so quiet. You ask him one question, he would answer you but nothing more. The ball just could not roll. But I must comment that at least he made an effort attending and trying to socialise.

A lot of people were around my age group. The fun lady who was at my table ( we made friends instantly), she saw a cute guy and was not able to approach him as he was talking to some people. I walked up to him, tap his back and introduced myself. Of course, my friend was next to me. After introducing myself with a handshake, I passed the "hunting game" to her. I felt good helping someone. I was shocked that I was so bold. To me, I gather, if I paid that much for the event, I woul make the most of it. Afterall, I do not think I would be seeing these people again so what the heck! Do la, ask la, make contact and enjoy myself.

So, for you new readers, have you concluded where I went to last night?
What was the event all about?

Fresh from the Oven

Ta da! I am home from the event. And now I am reporting to you fresh from the oven. So, all you loyal fans must be excited to know if I found the man of my dreams. Aiyo, it doesn't look simple as in you go, you tarr pao and you take home.

Mmm...I did not have enough to eat at dinner so I am going to grab a snack and continue away with my report.


Ok, back with my cup-o-noodles. You must be thinking I was being modest during dinner and not indulging in the food served. Ha! It was a far cry from a 4 star hotel standard but I guess with the budget constraint, they had no choice.

It started out with me departing from my house at 6 pm. I left early because it was raining and because I wanted to get a good parking bay too. Arrived there a little early so I had to wait outside the ballroom with the rest of the candidates. As I walked towards the ballroom, I scanned for potential "victims". Most of the girls were presentable, some came in dresses as like for a dinner function but yet some came in jeans. Mmmm....I wonder what actually smart casual mean ( in Malaysia)? Fora minute, I thought I was overdressed and I quickly texted my buddy and friend for support and encouragement.

THe door for registration opened at 6.30pm and we all queued according to gender. Females one side and males one side. I had to produce my IC and a name card with my name and age group ( classified by colored dots) was given to me. Before entering the Ballroom, we had to wear our identification tag. It was free seating so I chose the table closest to the door. Then there was this girl who sat next to me and we introduced ourselves. I also managed to introduce myself to the other 2 girls sitting 2 seats away from me. The seating arrangement was in a long table with 10 seats on each side. Men will have to seat at one row and ladies at the other row.

The evening started out with some warm up exercise meaning it was ice breaker time. We were asked to stand in the dancing floor and were taught some simple dancing movements that enabled us to mingle around with the people (hopefully the opposite gender.) I must say the organiser has put up a lot of effort in making games to help candidates mingle. After a 30minute of ice breaking, dinner was served , which was at 8pm. I was so hungry by then.

After dinner, they had a show for us. How interesting! There were a group of beautiful ladies lip synching, wearing very sexy attires. Tits were spilling out from the tight clothing and gstring with fish net stocking and firm buns were jiggling on the stage. Yes , it was an Ah Kua show. I must say the show is not appropriate for the event and hence I think the cancelling of the show abruptly.

After the cancellation, it was time for lucky draw. The usual crap, callling number, you go pick the present and the story goes la. Then we had speed dating whereby you approach anyone you like and interview him for 4 minutes. If you feel sparks, then you exchange numbers with him, if not, bye bye. The speed dating event took up one hour. By the time is was over, I was drained with exhaustion. It was hardwork.

After mingling,I realised that there were no potential candidates for me. But I still had the 3 girls sitting at my table. We hit if off very well. So well that we spoke like we knew each other for ages. The very last event was disco dancing. I did not dance because I was too tired and sleepy. Besides, I had to help look after their handbags.

WHen it was time to go, we 3 girls hugged each other and parted. I had to send one girl home as she stays near me. WHen I arrived home, I received a text from the other girl telling me about the next meet up. It looked like I have gained somemore female friends and the male gender was not all that great. Anyway, I made 3 friends who are on the same boat as me. And we are already planning on our next outing.

If not for the men,it turned out sccesfully as my main objrctive was to make friends and socialise....male, female all I hantam.

I wonder if the candidates are still having a blasting time dancing disco now?
I also wonder if there is a "next time" for me?

Sunday, December 25, 2005

To all you humsap kwais

He laid her on the table, so white, clean and bare. His forehead wet with beads of sweat. He rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and then felt her breasts and thighs. He drooled and drooled. The slit in between her thighs was wet and all was set, he gave a joyous cry. The hole was wide.....he looked inside, all was dark and murky. He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms.......and then he stuffed .........................

Who is she or rather what is she?


I am leaving for the event in a few more minutes, hoping to get a good parking bay.

Stay tuned!

Christmas Present

Christmas Eve day. My family and I were busy preparing for dinner. It was going to be a family dinner with turkey and ham. We were all very excited and busy making salad and stuff when I received a text from my ex saying he is coming to see baby. He was on his way from Singapore. Of course, I was happy for my baby . She hardly knew her father. I would give every opportunity for them to rebond but the fact that he only gave a few hours notice made me very mad. He would always give me insufficient notice.

Anyway, I thought this would be my baby's best Christmas present, that is, to see her father. At this point, I did not even give a thought to my Christmas event tonight. My mind was too busy thinking. Of what?

The problem is I always blame myself for being bold. Bold enough to take the first step walking out of the 14 years of relationship with him. Now, everytime when we meet up, upon seeing his sorry sight, I start to blame myself. I feel sorry for bringing him to this state. But I always tell myself, if it was not him, it would be ME who will be at this state.

I spilled out to my childhood friend yesterday afternoon. Luckily she put some sense back into me. Sometimes, we need somebody to "iron" us straight. Again, I am very grateful that in times like this, I still have a true friend who listens to me.

We met at Starbucks for coffee. Baby was happy to see her dad. But it was a strange feeling for me. From the outside, 3 of us look normal, as like a family , a whole happy unit but with hidden cracks. Anyway, both of them had small talks. Baby was very steady; she behaved well, she did not "daddy this", "daddy that". It was as if there was a wall in between them. The conversation was not all that warm. I guess they need time to rebond. Afterall, they only meet up twice a year. Funny, he never calls to say "hi".

He had requested to go to the bookshop with her today and we leave for Kinokuniya shortly after this. I want to beat the human traffic at KLCC.

I just can't help sorry for baby and her father. I hope tonight's event will chill me out a little.

Friday, December 23, 2005

Merry Xmas

To all my supporters that I have gained since the start of my blog just 4months ago, thanks a million for your "sokongan." This has really brought me to a new unexplored world ( at least for me it is) and it also has brought me a step closer to making new friends.

Of course, I am ever grateful to my buddy for setting this blog for me as my birthday present which in turn have benefitted me in such a way that I have gained all you supporters and friends. When I am down or happy, I turn to my blog as like writing my daily journal and just having someone read and leave comments really help lift my spirit. I no longer turn to the chatroom , hoping to look for someone to talk to me. I thought I was doomed as a chatworm but I am beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel for me.

Thanks to the supporting mommies, lenglois,handsomes, hamsup kwais and new supporters. Here is wishing all of you a very Merry Christmas. Drive safely should you be on the road.
And of course, stay tuned to my firsthand report on the EVENT on Sunday.

New Year resolution : to have a pseudo Angelina Jolie body ( yeh!)

Thursday, December 22, 2005

I Invited Myself to a Xmas Party

The ticket to the Xmas party is staring at me and I am also staring at IT. The days are drawing closer. My heart also goes Bang, Bang, Bang, Bang!

Dress code : smartcasual. Mmm...

My feeling at the moment : shy, scared, idiotic, excited, anxious............

The excuse is: go, come back , and write in my blog, hoping to provide a personal account on the event and write a juicier blog than the newspaper report.

Siapa sokong saya ah?

I Fell Off the Stool

YES! That happened two hours ago. I was at a mamak stall with my friend. She showed me her aura photo taken from a crystal shop. She had mostly reds surrounding her photo with black spots behind her. The interpreter told her that the reds meant that she is a hotheaded person and she should take it easy and calm down. There was too many "fire" and "heat" energy burning in her. And the black spots? Those are spirits.....good or bad, I really do not know. But according to my friend, she said her life has been in the downturn recently. The interpreter told her that it was due to spirit attachment.

The more she related her experience to me, the more my goosebumps grew and it was midnight at the moment. I shifted my stool away from her a little , trying to distant myself from the dark attachments ( I was only joking and playing with her). Then I felt like the ground moving and my stool started to sway. Our table was situated in a darkplace and I couldn't focus . My stool swayed a few seconds and before I knew, I saw myself distancing from my friend. I could see her look at me in horror and she was extending a helping hand towards me. It was like in the movies where someone is slipping from the edge of a cliff .

Anyway, before I could even think, I landed on the floor. Bum down. Everyone looked at ME. Me. ME. I got back up on my feet, treated like nothing and went back to our conversation about the photo. Geees....the black spell is working! That was so embarrassing! SO, so embarrassing. Luckily, at that time, there were no cute guys around. I would have quickly scan for a mousehole to hide my face. And luckily my pants did not koyak like Mr Incredible Hulk.

Now, that was really the first curse of the blackspots!

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Singapore - Part 2

And so the story continues. We pampered ourselves this time and decided to bunk in a hotel. All went smoothly, no complaints at all. Night fell. Even at midnight, we could still hear merry goers and the Xmas songs played at the speakers along Orchard Road.

We had a long day, that Saturday. We turned in early, which was midnight. It was a nice sleep, I must say, because the mattress was superb ( wish I could tarr pao back the bed) and the air condition was blowing full blast the whole night ( I no need to pay electricity bill, so I full blast la).

Driiiiilllll.......drill...drill drill drill...... on the toilet wall Door knob turning , twisting, turn and twist. Drill drill and the sound of the door opening and closing many many times. I was still sound asleep or should I say, I'd rather not think of those noises. It was fucking 4am. My parents were afraid if the drilling continued, our toilet wall would be broken into. It would be abnormal to carry renovation during that hour. Mmm.......I kept steady . Did not want to scare myself YET. The noise went on for about 20 minutes and all was quiet again. Funny, we did not call the reception to complain. I guess we did not want to know the TRUTH. Or should I say, we did not want to "agitate" whoever or whatever. So, we just left things as it was and tried to sleep.

The next day, we decided to tell the reception about our encounter. They looked surprised. I blurted out asking if there were "kwai" in that floor. The handsome receptionist looked stunt. Anyway, we did not want trouble..we just wanted to inform them, that's all.

We went back to our room. No. We decided it won't be our room for another night. Heck, no way. We asked for a change of room.

Now, that was the closest encounter I have ever had with "whatever and whoever". I guess they are harmless if we left them as they were.

Eeeee.....goosebumps like chicken skin................................

Naa..come out from my shell already laa!

Ok...naa...happy? Hibernated enough liao! Actually, I was testing who are the loyal readers laa...joke joke. I was away last Friday..yes off to Singapore to see the Xmas lights , for my baby's sake.

This year's decoration is brilliant. I must say they have done it again and better this year compared to last year. They even have speakers along Orchard Road walkway , airing Xmas songs. I must say, it did have a very Christmassy feel to it.

Sales, sales, sales everywhere. I was there in time for the sales as it started on the 16th and will end soon after Christmas. Storwide sales up to 15% if you shop at Robinsons, John Little, Takashimaya and er, I only managed to attack these few stores...did not have time to conquer the other department stores but I am sure, they are taking advantage of the festive season.

Lelong, lelong, lelong till 12 midnight. Boyfriends, husbands, maids, babies sleeping in their strollers all waited patiently for their WOMEN to shop. Sigh! It was fun to shop, er, window shopping ah,......not real real buying. To just watch those shoppers buying and buying especially in a fish market situation was FUN. Those ladies, pushing and shoveling each other around a small table at Robinsons Department Store.....whatever for? Ah yes, brooches, earrings, necklaces all for $10 each. No wonder! Chrismas cakes, chocolates, confectioneries, wine and gifts from Marks and Spencer were selling like hotcakes. If I were to put up a stall, illegal stall, outside M & S and sell my cakes half the price, of course with nice wrappers laa, you think it will work ah?

Besides shopping, I brought my baby to the Science Center. Had fun there learning about science and there was the Star Wars exhibition. Interesting costumes, spaceship models were on display. Each time I visit the Center, renovation works can be seen. They are putting efforts in giving a facelift to the place. Again, admirable for the efforts.

Do sound like a traitor now? So, so PRO SINGAPORE.

But I must comment that I salute them for their efficiency attitude. And they are so spoilt for choices, from shopping to health care. You name it, they have got it and in such a small island, they are well equipped. And as for health care, so many choices of doctors and varieties too. I know of many Malaysians who prefer to be treated or seek a second opinion when the doctors do not give a satisfactory explanation in Malaysia. And I am one of them. Just a preview to my medical history, I have been suffering from lower back pain for more then a decade. From orthopaedic surgeons to physiotherapist, sinsehs to chiropractors...the list goes on. I finally took my mom's advice and seeked my 101th opinion from a doctor in Singapore. Just one look at my MRI and she was able to educate me on my problem and helped me deal with it. It is not so much of medication but to know and understand the mechanics of my bone problem really took off the big question mark behind my head for ages. Thank god I am not going to be paralysed. But does that mean I cannot perform the more elaborated kamasutra position?

Anyway, Orchard Road was swamping with people. All sorts of people. It was a Sunday. There were loads of Filipinos gathering along the Orchard walkway. As I was walking, I couldn't help but to think if one of them were the girl who swept my ex's feet off or was she fished out from Orchard Towers or...or...or.....sigh. I know what is done is done and no point crying over spilt milk. I just couldn't help wondering who she was. How did I come to know about her? I was a real dungu in computers and I still am. One fine day, I was messing with my home computer and stumbled across her email to my ex. Nice tits and a very sweet face. The email read, " I miss you. Looking forward to meeting up with you again." Mmmm....I do no dare to think further. Whatever the past was, I really wished that my ex would find a partner in life and take good care of him.

Back to Singapore but I will have to continue later because duty calls.

Still in Hybernating Mode

Hello, can give me extension ah?
I am still in my hybernating mode la.
Juicy news I have but each time when I want to start writing, my whiskey catches up with me, I lembiklembik already and can't write then I KO on my laptop pulak.
Then each day passes by,I become lazier and lazier...haiyo apa sudah aku jadi?

One more day of extension please !

Thursday, December 15, 2005


aiyo, i wan to cry laa.....i wan to swear la....i..i...i...sob* sob*. i managed to record my pseudo anita mui white xmas song for the lin peh recording studio. because i do not know how to convert to mp3 ( auntie here veli the ancient wan, onli know how to type and read email but i hope to attend pc class in the next senior citizen meeting), i need to send the file to my buddy who will convert to mp3 then send to linpeh recording studio. sigh ! celaka! damn frusco man....i managed to play with the pc a bit to self learn and managed to find the attach files and send key but the file is too big to send as attachment......TNS! and i have to disappear for 3 days without internet konekcion...haiya, i hope i can make it for the deadline in submitting my song. i really wan to be anita mui laaa.....


damn frus

how come i dunno computer ah?


sob* sob*

To my buddy

This blog is dedicated to you, my friend. Thank you for being my technical assistant in helping me participate in a LifeAid Xmas Remix recording session organised by Lin Peh Records Bhd. As I am not PC savvy, I constantly need some sort of technical assistant when I face technical problems.

You, I know you are in a combat tonight, up all night. Here I am also, facing my own battle, up all night waiting for the Christmas fruitcake baking in the oven. But horr, I really appreciate your help despite your tight schedule.

Thanks buddy !

PS: I have not recorded anything yet as now is in the middle of the night, I don't think I want to disturb the dead. I shall try to sing tomorrow and see if I can manage to record it down.

Finally baby is OK

I am back AGAIN. As you know my baby was not feeling too good last few days or rather one week ago. She had fever, a little cough and cold, the usual stuff. But the most worrying part was the persistent fever. I usually would take her to the paediatrician as soon as I knew she has a fever but this time I wanted to wait for 2 days to test her immunity and see if she could fight the germs.

It looked like she did not perform well. I took her to her "khai ma" , I call the doctor "khai ma" because this doctor saw my baby from birth. Anyway, after some paramol, baby did not get well too. Took a dengue blood test also and it turned out negative. Thank god. After 7 days of fever, we finally succumbed to antibiotics. Aiyo, I thought she was on the road to recovery but I found stain in her stool pulak. It looked like blood stain and again we had to go back to "khai ma". Took stool test. Waited for 3 days for the result. Yesterday evening I had a call from "khai ma" that my baby is clear from Salmonella food poisoning. So, parents, if you find blood stain stool, do not hesitate to bring your child for a stool test because it could likely be salmonella poisoning.

Baby is ok now. Up and about. Even when she was sick, she was still active
I am just glad that she is fine now.

Friday, December 09, 2005

Got the Ticket

I really don't know why on earth would I go through such hassle of going to a Xmas Party and if you followed closely,it is not any party. It is a singles party. Aiyooooo......malu malu MALU. How on earth did I reach there ah? There must be a devil behind my back, pushing me all the way through this task.

Anyway, I ajak a friend, girlfriend to accompany me to THE EVENT but at the last minute, she had to step the brakes because of work commitment. That leaves me going ALONE. I was a little hesitant, going alone because believe me, I am not thaaaaaat brave. Maybe , juuuust a little bit brave only. Anyway, I did not want to think too much about it because the more I think, the more I will be confused. So I just let things run its course and decide at that minute if I felt like going. My friend told me last night that she couldn't make it but I took the news calmly and lightly. Went to bed trying not to think of it.

The plan continued today. Had my application form filled, got my pictures taken ( 3R full size and a passport photo), my divorce paper, and photocopy of my IC, back and front and of course the letter signed by the Commissioner For Oath stating that I am legally Single. Sigh ! Such pain I had to go through just to become a member but it was fun running around. Anyway, got my things done and my mind started to wonder, " Should I go ah?" I still tried to block out the hesitancy.

The actual date for registering to become a member is this weekend but because of workload, I asked to submit earlier and they approved. Still didn't want to think too much,I just drove to the place and submitted my registration.

The lady who helped me asked for my divorce papers and somehow I just knew I had to bring along today. Must be the devil behind me whispering at my ears this morning to remind me to take my legal document. So, ok there goes the paper. She read and approved. She asked if I wanted to get a computer match but I declined. I haven't gone to that stage yet. I shall call that World War 3 stage. Ok laa, if we were told that we shall see no tomorrow, then I shall see who matches me best. But, really, I did not need that at the moment. The truth is, I am afraid to know that there won't be a match for me. I am afraid to face the music. My friend always says,
" The truth always hurts." My objective is to go and see what the real deal is and blog about it....see such sacrifice I make for the sake of blogging.....SIGH. No la, I go because the devil behind me gave me a gentle push. No la, I go because I...I......I.....I am......(?) Nevertheless, I salute those who have the courage to go. Thumbs up!

Back to this lady who helped me out. She told me that ( mmm....something not too favoring but it is the truth and I have to accept) as a divorcee, it is more difficult for me to get a match because of my background. I could have lied in the registration form but I am not that sort. I have always been upfront. I do not like to hide my past and there is certainly not a thing to be ashamed of. Naaa...yes I am a SINGLE PARENT. From that very day I walked out of the courtroom, people knew me as a Miss and a single parent. I tell people straight at their noses and some did get a rude shock. I once told a lady whom I haven't met for a long time. She asked if I had any plans to conceive another child. I just told her that I had a divorce. I think I was too straightforward because I saw tears from her eyes. I did not have any tears but when I looked into her eyes, it affected me but still, I had good control of my tear glands.

Sorry, took a detour again. Back to the lady . After telling me, I told her that I am very upfront and I will tell about my past and not lead people to think otherwise. So, upon hearing that my chances are slimmer, nevermind....still in high spirit because at that moment all I felt was Go...GO...Go.

Then, haiyo, they had to match activities according to education level. Understandable. Then, ha ha ha.....what else could have affected my chances ah? There are 65% female candidates and only 35 % males. Wah,I wanted to roll on the floor and throw tantrums like a kid making a scene in the supermarket. Fuiyo, speechless. Fuiyo, Wah lun eh, Cibai, KNS , you name it , I have it laa. Sooo many competitors....crrrryy....crrryyy....nevermind. I will still go because my objective is to make friends regardless of the gender.

Anyway, I was told besides all the makaning ( its a buffet), there will be some activities like ice breaker, speed dating and some games. You think I will leave half way? Who is gonna chaperone me there ah and wait for me OUTSIDE?

Oh, oh, she also told me that many of the members go alone so I guess I will OK huh?
What do you think?
Cmon, gimme some words of encouragement. I feel like a teenager all over again.

Oh, by the way, I still have people asking me why I got a divorce? The photoshop lady asked me what happened to my marriage? See la, see see see.....people just can't understand that it is my fucking business laaaaa........AAARRGGHHHHHH

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Baby still Sick

Yes. She is still sick. Fever is still running and tomorrow marks one week . Of course I brought her to a paediatrician. We just did not want to abuse the use of antibiotics , that was why we waited for a few days initially to see how the fever went. After the fourth day of fever, we had no choice but to start her on antibiotics. Today , I brought her to the hospital again just to reassure MYSELF. I was just telling my friend that here baby is, physically sick but here I am, mentally sick. It is mentally draining when a child is sick.

I heard that a baby weighing not more than 3kg were sent into ICU this morning. It seemed that the parents delayed sending the baby for medical help. The baby is having liver, kidney and blood abnormality. From the tone of the doctor on the phone, I could sense that it was not a good sign. In my heart, all I could wish for is for the baby to recover quickly. I wonder how is the baby doing now? I left the clinic with a heavy heart. I can imagine what the parents are experiencing.

Baby, I hope you pull through. Fight hard!

I need a Date

You all must be wondering whatever happened to me; no new posts at all for the last 2 days or so. Been busy with everything or nothing at all. By the way, baby is still running a fever and it is her 5th day so I have no choice but to give her antibiotics. Don't worry, she is still very active ( probably drug overdose) and her appetite is good too. So, I wouldn't worry too much. She is on the road to recovery.

Been baking Christmas fruitcake and doing some flower projects. That was all the hullaballoo for those 2 days. And also, no one stepped on my tail YET, so nothing to rant.

People always say, "when you have a lot of things to do, you will tend to forget you sorrows." Not true la, or is it I am not busy enough?

So much time I have ( I always make time, always, for anything and anybody who needs me), that I even read orbituaries. I chanced upon this column in the newpaper that Cupid's Club run by MCA is having a Bachelor's Party on Christmas Day. Mmmm.....mmmmm.....tick tock knock knock. I wonder what it is like to attend one of these functions? From Speed Dating to Cupid's Club to Dinner for Six or is it Eight, I can't remember... there are all sorts of services out there to create an opportunity for people to meet up. I say meet up because the way I see it, it is a healthy gathering whereby people go to these functions to get to know people. Of course, each individual has his or her own objectives, that is, to find your other half but I hope these people go without any expectations. Just go for the sake of having fun and making more friends would be a better goal. I was talking to a friend last night how this has become a trend for people to apporach this services to find a date. The dating business is a boom. But, thanks to them, people have benefitted from using their services. My friend thinks that in this era, it has become more and more difficult for people to find their other half because of time, work, opportunities, etc. It is not easy to find a date. A date, to me, does not have to be your boyfriend la. By the way, what is a boyfriend? Can someone educate me ? Its been almost 15 years since my last one. So, why is it so hard just to find someone to go makan , watch movie or just maybe take a drive or a picnic? Am I speaking for the majority of am I just talking about myself ah? Aiyo, phai seh if it's just me who is feeling the pinch here.

Now, why am I saying this? You see, I also ( shhh....don't laugh ah), I also ah, me ah, yes me, siao cha bor, got a little bit ( heart thumping) want to join. So, today I kaypohchee, called up MCA and enquired about the event. So, singles, if you can't get through the hotline, here is what you need this coming Saturday and Sunday. This weekend is register week whereby you go and submit your photocopy of your I.C., a 3R photo of yourself and and passport size photo. There will be a Commissioner of Oath there, where you have to sumpah that you are SINGLE. So, all you Mr. or Mrs. Infidel, beware! To be able to get a ticket for the Christmas event, you need to join Cupid's Club as a member. Oh, oh, all you senior citizens, I don't know if you qualify because they do ask for your age.

So, you gather I should go? Eeerrmm...... I go for the sake of experience ah. Please do not let your imagination run wild. Don't you all want to know? Huh? I promise to write my personal experience at the event ( blink, blink).

Mmmm... so you think I should camp overnight outside Wisma MCA ah?

Please excuse me, sometimes I kepala angin hence the birth of my name "SIAOCHABOR"
Er, excuse the title of my post also, sounds too thick skin.

Wait for my good news!

Saturday, December 03, 2005

Down but not Out

My baby is struck with a fever since last night. I had been keeping vigilant all night with every hour intervals, waking up to see if she is OK. I have been doing this eversince knowing that she is one of those with fever soaring up quickly . Call me over protecting or exaggerating but I just know what I have to do.

When a fever starts, ice pack, paramol, fever suppository, aerochamber ( for congested cough), minya angin la, vicks and other gadgets are ever ready within the reach of my hands. Am I a freak or what?

Yes, in fact, I try my very best to be a mother and father. It is the hardest when she gets sick. Of course, when he was around, he seldom helped out when she got sick.

Because of the stock running low, I had to replenish the groceries. I took 30 minutes off from my nursing job and went shopping for the household while my dad played nanny. Today was not a good day to start with. It could be hormonal or a call I had earlier. My friends fromIpoh came to town and called me to join them for dinner at MV. I had to turn down the invitation because of my baby. My friend said, "I knew you would say that." It really upset me to hear such remarks because they failed to believe me . If only they were in my shoes ! Then I started to wonder, " People would never know unless they are really in my shoes." I tried to brush off such remarks but the words just stayed in my mind.

OK, nevermind. I have got work to do. I had to cook for the family. Off I went to the grocers. Wah...another bomb came. You see, I seldom go shopping in the weekends because as I said earlier in my post, I feel lonely whenever I see families or couples shopping for their homes. Yet, I have to put on a mask and conceal my real sadness. Everytime when I walk pass a father who cares for his child, I feel his wife is the luckiest woman. The only fear I have is, I have been too independat so much so that I fear I would not know how to depend on a man, should a second chance comes around for me. Not that I have one at the moment but how does it feel to have a man help out in a household, how does it feel to be loved, how does it feel to have someone sharing a life with you or to have someone enriching your life. I read Jomel's post today and tears rolled down my cheeks. It was a very sweet thing for her Beau to sing a birthday song to her every birthday. You see, little things like that tickles my heart.

Yes, behind all these swearing words, the gilaness of my blog, all the saucy topics I chat with my girlfriends, actually how much do they know about how I feel? How much do my parents know my hurt and anguish? I have been wearing a mask; I didn"t want my parents to see me sad especially my mother. I know she cannot take all these sorrows. I thought its only better to not show. But she knows that I drank to sleep every night last year. Her precious whisky gone week after week. Bottles of empty Beefeater on the kitchen counter top. Its been a year and I am trying to deal with the grief and resentment. The drinking ritual has stopped . But I never turn my back on a good glass occassionally. As I said earlier, this year has been good to me . I just realised that the end of the year is coming again and what have I achieved so far? Emotionally , physically and financially. Am I pushing myself too hard or not hard enough?

I haven't had a good cry for ages. I remember, I did not cry for months after the ordeal. Each time, when I drove alone, my mind would wonder and tears would catch me by surprise. But before the first drop could fall onto my cheeks, I managed to withold it and told myself to be strong. Sure, sometimes I broke down but that was last year's story. I shall try to do better next year and 2006 is coming very quickly. It is not my cuppa tea to make new years resolution. But I really hope I fair well mentally, physically and financially.

I guess, today's brew were
* kid having fever and I am worried sick
* last night I had fever and I cannot let myself fall ill because I need to nurse my baby
* reading Jomel's sweet post ( Jo, very touching post la)
* listening to my Ipoh friend's remarks
* grocery shopping on a weekend and having to face reality
* monthly bill is coming ( ask big auntie)

I am going to reboot myself and hopefully come back as siaochabor
Its one of those lousy days I am having, that's all. Rest asssured that I will not do anything stupid. Cow brain I have but still got some sense.