So, you think I am nuts?

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Life is like Snake and Ladder Game

Have you ever played " Snake and Ladder" boardgame? Shame on you if you haven't. Go to any toystore and get one, sometimes they sell it at the Indian stationary shop too. No, no, don't put on your running shoes, come back, don't runaway, I am not the promoter for the boardgame, don't worry. Read this, no charge!

I very much relate the game to life. As the saying goes, life is full or ups and downs ( like a roller coaster). Full of excitement, don't you think? Snake and Ladder is a "fun" game, if you can relax and enjoy.

How do I connect this to my life? Being a parent is not easy , let alone being a single parent. It is physically and mentally draining but it is worth every minute when with you child. The initial few steps were difficult, uncertain and painful. As like the boardgame, I took one step at a time and when I encountered a "bite" , the "sliding down a few notches" was not a nice feeling. I felt life is soo cruel and unfair. The worse was it took me a long time to start walking the paths again.

It has taken me a year to pull up my socks and start sailing through the paths a little easier. Each snake bite has become less painful . I can say my life is starting to roll again and I am looking forward .......but sure,sometimes there are moments when I feel a slight sting.

I have been avoiding family reunions and social gatherings.... I even went to the extent of not attending any kid's birthday parties celebrated at home because these parties tend to be more family oriented. I know I would feel so leftout. I only attended those parties celebrated at party parlours because most fathers would be absent from these events. You won't see my face at birthdays and I even avoided Chinese New Year but there is no escape from giving out angpows ! Hey, does that mean I can join in the "singles" category and accept ang pows again this year? ( And also, psst... pssst... I am trying to tell you I am single and available also, got anyone want to date auntie here ah)

This year has been good. I finally learn to enjoy the game because I have learnt to loosen up. It has been a 360 degress turnaround for me. I push myself to make public appearances ( wah, like Hollywood star) and learn to shut my ears from unwanted comments ( ear plugs come in handy...no , no, no need to buy, just get the ones they give out at the aeroplane , they are good enough), Yes, it can be hard listening to harsh comments especially coming from species from the same planet, Venus. (Have you ever read the book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" ? If you haven't, don't buy....its crap but if you are in my position (hurtful 2004) then buy la buy la, for retail therapy sake.) Not all species from Venus will symphatise with you. There are biatches . These Biatches will use this opportunity to rub salt into you wound and oh boy, is it painful. Ooooo..... I will get back to these biatches on my next chapter because you will never imagine what my own species can do when it comes to gossipping and "unintentionally" using this as an opportunity to hurt your feelings. And also, thanks to these biatches, I now can categorise my friends to a few groups like ...........oh I shall dwell more in my next chapter. Remind me.

Back to family reunion, yesterday was my first exam. It was my cousin's wedding dinner. All were invited. I had reservation on going. I did not want to attend. Lazy. No! Scared. Maybe. Scared I may cry ( for happiness or sadness). NO! You can say this is very bad of me to harbour these thoughts but my aunt was right. She saw through me. She knew why I was scared. I was scared for the newly wed. Of course I wish them eternal happiness but deep, deep in me, I was scared for them. Marriage is like a gamble. I failed in mine. I do not wish to hear of another. Aiyo, if any of my relatives were to read this, they will curse me till kingdom comes laa, so..... kong kong , porr porr, ah yer,ah ma, yee soke, sam soke, khao kong, yee ma, kuu cher, kuu ma, uncle, aunty, er, who else have I missed out...... I did not say this with ill intentions. Here, I spit 3 times "phuuuuii, phhhuuuui, phhuuuuiii" and all the negative ions have been neutralised. Ok, back to the wedding.

For my child's sake ( it is her first time attending a grand wedding dinner) , I attended. As the wedding day drew closer and closer, I felt ........nothing. No extra heartbeat, no cold sweaty palms, I did not feel anything. No feeling of sadness, not even a tear forming in the corner of my eye. I did not even have to bite my lips to stop myself from crying. It is already 24 hours passed the dinner and I am writing this calmly. No tears while I write this.

I deeply and truly wish eternal bliss to the happy couple. If not for my kid for pestering me to attend, I will still be in my nutshell. If not for the encouragement of a fren whom I call "Uncle Hansem", I would still be in my nutshell. Whatever it is, in the end of the day, I will still have to face the music. Better face it now, so that I can move on . I have passed the exam. I shall take each "bite" like another sting. Hansem, make sure you issue me a Certificate of Attendance.

To console myself, at least I get to wear my nyonya kebaya and dress to KILL. I do not give a damn..... dress to kill it was ! And, and yeh, yeh yeh, I can still fit into the kebaya 8 years ago, meaning my figure is still ok horr? ( I did not wear corsets and girdles, all genuine la, please). So, anyone want to date aunty ah? OMG, this is the second time I am hinting....Geeeees.......

3 Comments:

  • At 11:45 AM, Blogger straymana said…

    eh... Since when I promise a certificate of attendance to you? Anyway, since you so brave girl... err brave auntie last night I'll still be giving you the certificate of attendence. Go go auntie, gua caya sama lu!

     
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