So, you think I am nuts?

Monday, October 24, 2005

In loving memory of my father-in-law

I just have to get this out of my system before I feel any worse than I am feeling now. Should have done this last night while it was still fresh but just couldn't bring myself to it. Also, I would like to thank a buddy of mine who is always here for me, drinks ( not ribena, mind you) with me when I am happy or sad and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't know that just by telling it out would really relieve me from the bad news I received last night. My buddy adviced me it is never too late to tell him as long as I have done it. Thanks buddy, next round I belanja, So, I choose to blog it out as a way of relieving my sorrows and I hope the person I am suppose to grief for is able to read this. Let's hope they have computers in heaven so that he can read what I have to say to him.

He was a well respected person. Very analytical and a quiet man. I have known him for 14 years and he had been a great father- in -law. No matter what happened between me and his son, I shall always respect him as a father-in-law.

It's been a year since my divorce with his son. I always have him and my mother-in-law in my heart. Afterall, they treated me well though we live thousands of miles apart. I first got to know he was suffering from cancer last year, just after the final documents for the divorce had been sealed. It was throat cancer !

He was too young to die. He did not get to see his granddaughter before he left. Why? Because I was not told about his serious condition until last night. I got my ex husband's sms last night that his father passed away in August this year after battling cancer for only a year. It is not Maxis breakdown for the delayed sms transmission, don't be alarmed!

I felt rotten. Actually, I felt angry because I was not told. But maybe the family wanted a very low profile funeral. I shall not blame anyone without knowing what really was the story behind for not telling us.

The reason why I felt bad is because he or rather my kid did not have the last chance to say our goodbyes. Afterall, they are related and she carries his surname. To lessen my pain of his loss, I am blogging this so that he can read and understand that his granddaughter is in good hands and that he will always have a special place in our hearts though we were not there for him.

I think in a way it is also a blessing in disguise that I did not have to see another suffering because in my life, I have encountered many cases of death due to cancer in my family . My maternal grandma died of breast cancer, my aunt of cervix cancer, my uncle of nose cancer, my ex father in law of throat cancer, my ex's grandmother of stomach cancer, a school friend of mine ( 33 years old when she passed away) of breast cancer and my young cousin who is suffering from benign tumour in her brain.

I do not think I can bear to see the last moments of his life. I shall let the picture of him, when he was healthy, to be left as a sweet memory for me and my kid.

I am sure they have the most advance computers or cyber cafes in heaven and if you are reading this, dad, rest assured that your grandchild will be well taken care of and you will always be in your hearts.


  • At 10:40 AM, Blogger Ah Pek said…

    My sincere condolences.

  • At 12:44 PM, Blogger Siao Cha Bor said…

    thanks uncle...u sound very serious leh

  • At 5:46 PM, Blogger straymana said…

    What matter most is it comes directly from your heart, and I think everyone heart and soul is connected in some ways. Ways that we are not aware of. Even when he/she is in other "world".

    I guess he should have gotten your message by now. May he rest in peace.

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