So, you think I am nuts?

Monday, October 31, 2005

Old Letters

I have searched high and low, left and right, and even tried to replay and fast forward but I still couldn't find it. I remember that I have stored it in a straw woven bag. Months ago, I sneaked out of my room, slithered into the bag , salivating, like my baby hungry for candies, trying to "korek" the pile of letters that I kept like treasure. No, unfortunately , they are not love letters from my ex husband. Surprisingly, they are letters which a boy wrote to me when we were studying. Err... when I was 15. Yes, 15 years old...puppy love.

I wonder why I kept his letters. We did not even date each other. We were just fond of each other. The letters were so sweet and innocent. Everything was so simple, sweet and innocent. And the beauty of reading a handwritten letter is in the handwriting. So so sweet that you can float while reading them. Brings a smile whenever I read them. He would tell me how life was in UK ( he was sent to the boarding school at the age of 14), his exams, his daily life and etc and etc...Just a few minutes in the time machine gives a "lift me up" feel. Better than tiramisu anytime !

From receiving the letters, opening the envelope and just indulging in the contents sent exciting shivers (er, not orgasm la, ok). I do not know the exact word to explain my feeling but it was so, so........sweet I suppose.

Months ago, I performed the yearly ritual. Wanted to just read the letters and forget about the daily madness. They were just not there anymore. Not in the bag. Not in the mooncake tin. Not in the biscuit tin. The search began but to no avail. Devastated ! Very devastated !

What is gone is gone. I still longed for the letters but I just have to come into terms with the loss. Sigh ! But, but, I can still remember vaguely and I shall keep these sweet little memories deeply engraved in my hard disk. Those are all I have left and I shall keep them as sweet memories from my early teenage years.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

No such thing as free plain water

I am disgusted.

Disgusted with some restaurants which impose a rule that there is no such thing as plain drinking water. All drinks come with a price. I have been to mamak stalls, chinese kopishop, cafes, coffee houses, restaurants and even hotel dining but today's experience left me no choice but to tell you how this place that I patronised this afternoon left an undesirable mark on me.

Have you ever, sometimes, not feel like ordering drinks from the diners but sheer plain water would suffice our thirst?

My outing to a specialty cafe serving only pancakes at The Curve was...........

They have an outstanding menu, nice ambience and great food but it was a pity that they impose a rule that they do not serve plain drinking water. Which means, patrons are forced to order drinks even if it is plain water. This I cannot understand. Even a 5 star hotel would serve water to their dining guests. Left with no choice, I had to order mineral water for my baby and mother. Geeeees, they can set up such a beautiful place but stinge on plain drinking water? They know pancakes are sweet. They know people are sure going to order beverages. They sure know how to take advantage from this point.

Maybe it is not so much as stinging but to make money from their beverages. In fact, my members all have a bottle of water in their bags but it was not polite to bring it out to drink. I wonder if they will impose a rule on " No outside drink" as well.

In fact, another eating place, also at The Curve, also has the same set of rules. Theirs was even more ridiculous...."No outside cakes allowed" ( as in for celebrating birthdays and so on).

So, be aware if you want to patronise these 2 joints. I should have ordered ice kosong instead at the pancake parlor. Now, how would they charge me for ice? Mmm........

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Orange Peel

While waiting for the sake ( Japanses rice wine) to travel into my bloodstream and take effect, I shall write about sell - u - is cellulites. Damn, the word gives me the creeps. Why this subject? I have been abstaining from drinking coffee for 2 weeks already and the only reason I did this is to reduce my cellulites or rather to improve my lymphatic and circulatory system. Sigh.......what women do to make themselves "feel" more beautiful.

Cellulite is a nasty word. It is even nastier in looks. She is an orange peel look-a-like in the skin mainly thighs, hips, abdomen, buttocks and arms. OK ladies, quick assess yourself and tell me you have those unsightly dimples. Guys, you do not have to look at yours coz men usually are exempted from this yukky irregular fat deposits. What pain I had to endure by not drinking coffee. I even bought a book which dedicates itself to Cellulites. " Anything that hinders circulation and lymph drainage will contribute or add to the condition or cellulite....from high levels of estrogen to poor eating habits, lack of exercise, smoking and even drinking coffee!" Err...actually alcohol too is one of the contributing factors but heck..............

Each time a woman passes by, I would scan her like a bar code ( if she is wearing shorts or skirt). Got ah? Can see ah? There, there, where laaa.....where? There la...can't you see when she is sitting down crosslegged, can see it under her thighs........ Ya..ya... I can see . Yeh...yeh...yeh... I am not alone. She HAS cellulites also. Pheeww.... that is what I call it my day.

Bottles of anti-cellulite lotions, tubs of creams , scrubs and massagers,and endless exercise regimes did not show any improvements on me. Expensive salons using the word "Cellulite" to target at women's soft spot, detoxification programs, diet teas and the list continues......"Wah , such tactics to make business"

So, which am I to follow? Coffee, abstained already. Cigarettes also down in memory lane. Exercise, in action now.

Haiya, disheartening but I came across a quote by Drew Barrymore, " I finally realised I don't have a perfect body and I am happy with the way I am."

Which is why I have started my first cup of coffee this morning and it feeels sooooo damn GOOD.

I also stumbled across a line in the book saying , " Inner self confidence and poise is the key to true beauty." HOW TRUE!

Ms. Theresa, a teacher in my baby's school, is not exactly the hour glass figure type nor the average looking female. She is the Queen of the Queen Size but she has this " I don't know what" that is attractive. After a few chats with her and by observing her, I realised that she walks and speaks with confidence. That made me to believe that it has to be her inner self confidence that brought her such beauty.

Thumbs up, Ms Theresa! You are a fine example to the children and to us, adults.

My baby and I have started visiting the swimming pool recently. Er....all my old swim wear like lost its elasticity or rather more like I can't fit into it la. I scouted around for a new attire and came across the ones which come in 2 piece ( not bikini la). It comes with a nice top and cycling shorts and they are meant to be used in the pool. Such great invention. I am so ever grateful to the inventor .

One last beauty tip......enhance and highlight the features that you like so as to deter people from looking at whatever that you do not feel comfortable showing. If you have big hips and you do not wish to focus on them, try wearing a nice necklace or earrings. They do act as a distraction from your hips.

Cellulites...looks like I have to live with you. I guess I am stuck with you and you are stuck with me . Guess I should learn how to love myself, right?

Monday, October 24, 2005

In loving memory of my father-in-law

I just have to get this out of my system before I feel any worse than I am feeling now. Should have done this last night while it was still fresh but just couldn't bring myself to it. Also, I would like to thank a buddy of mine who is always here for me, drinks ( not ribena, mind you) with me when I am happy or sad and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't know that just by telling it out would really relieve me from the bad news I received last night. My buddy adviced me it is never too late to tell him as long as I have done it. Thanks buddy, next round I belanja, So, I choose to blog it out as a way of relieving my sorrows and I hope the person I am suppose to grief for is able to read this. Let's hope they have computers in heaven so that he can read what I have to say to him.

He was a well respected person. Very analytical and a quiet man. I have known him for 14 years and he had been a great father- in -law. No matter what happened between me and his son, I shall always respect him as a father-in-law.

It's been a year since my divorce with his son. I always have him and my mother-in-law in my heart. Afterall, they treated me well though we live thousands of miles apart. I first got to know he was suffering from cancer last year, just after the final documents for the divorce had been sealed. It was throat cancer !

He was too young to die. He did not get to see his granddaughter before he left. Why? Because I was not told about his serious condition until last night. I got my ex husband's sms last night that his father passed away in August this year after battling cancer for only a year. It is not Maxis breakdown for the delayed sms transmission, don't be alarmed!

I felt rotten. Actually, I felt angry because I was not told. But maybe the family wanted a very low profile funeral. I shall not blame anyone without knowing what really was the story behind for not telling us.

The reason why I felt bad is because he or rather my kid did not have the last chance to say our goodbyes. Afterall, they are related and she carries his surname. To lessen my pain of his loss, I am blogging this so that he can read and understand that his granddaughter is in good hands and that he will always have a special place in our hearts though we were not there for him.

I think in a way it is also a blessing in disguise that I did not have to see another suffering because in my life, I have encountered many cases of death due to cancer in my family . My maternal grandma died of breast cancer, my aunt of cervix cancer, my uncle of nose cancer, my ex father in law of throat cancer, my ex's grandmother of stomach cancer, a school friend of mine ( 33 years old when she passed away) of breast cancer and my young cousin who is suffering from benign tumour in her brain.

I do not think I can bear to see the last moments of his life. I shall let the picture of him, when he was healthy, to be left as a sweet memory for me and my kid.

I am sure they have the most advance computers or cyber cafes in heaven and if you are reading this, dad, rest assured that your grandchild will be well taken care of and you will always be in your hearts.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Life is worth living !

I am writing this to remind myself over and over again to be contented with my life and my possessions. Many times I find myself lost. I often ask myself why did bad things happen to me and how did it happen. The more I ask these questions, the more I become confused. Slowly, I am beginning to realise and discover life.

Life is actually wonderful; it all depends on how we see and make it. I remember once my friend told me, "Life is just a shell, it is how we make it,is what matters most". With me seeing all the rich tai tais everyday sending their kids off to school, coming in big nice cars, going off to their breakfast joint, I often wonder how it would be like in their shoes. Of course, there is no such comparison. I am a far cry from them. But, I am beginning to ask myself, " Is this what you really want in life?"

Morning breakfast with the gang, then after to the hair and nail salon.
Lunch with another gang
Shopping and gossiping time
Massage or facial
Dinner with family at home

Wow....what a full schedule. Day after day, full of activities. Just enjoy!
It looks flawless. Everything is great.

My life is also great. I have no complaints at all. Like my sifu always says in hokkien, "big problem becomes small problem, small problem becomes no problem". I should not compare and complaint. There are people worse than me. 2 of my good friends were battered by their husbands. Tsk, tsk I really feel shameful for comparing myself with others. But I can call myself lucky for not being in their shoes. I should count my blessings. I have a healthy daughter and what I only wish for her is being healthy and being able to guide her the right path to life. I have to be strong physically and mentally.

A few days ago, when I was buying food from the buka puasa stalls, I was awakened. I could see a lot of vendors, selling food but one thing for sure, they had happy faces. I am sure these people are making a decent living and hard earned money. It was their humility, politeness, happiness in doing what they were doing that made me realise, "Eh, these people are down to earth and I am sure they do not complain about what they were doing". Mind you, battling the heat and rain is no joke. But, I still see happy faces. That should be the way. No complaints, not that I have heard so far.

These people have taught me something that I should have seen earlier. It is suicidal to compare with the others. Be contented with what we have.

Oh, by the way, the "being in the crowd , buying food for the buka puasa" really made me feel 100% Malaysian and a proud one too.

Each day I will remind myself to be contented with what I have, count my blessings, be a great mom, dad and a friend to my daughter; nurture her in every way I can . Life, if lived the right way and the fullest, living it once is enough.

My first stop to self fulfilment : charity work

Monday, October 17, 2005

Where is your passport?

How do I come about this posting? But of course, the characters involved and special encounters I had, had brought me to realise that in this world, there are all sorts of beings, which I have not come across ( you can say I have been living in my nutshell). Thanks to them I am beginning to see life in a clearer picture and in a way, it is enriching and soul polishing.

Remember Mrs.Chee and Mrs.Bai? How do I describe them ? Mmm...besides being kaypoh, they are kaypoh, kaypoh and kaypoh laaa. And, oh, oh, they carry with them a special apparatus called the "sieve". In cooking, a sieve is used to separate the coarse and the fine. And what you have sieved out is called "refine". So, the sieve they carry around is mostly to separate the pebbles, sand and gold. Of course, gold nuggets being them la.

I heard one of them is having a birthday bash at one of the poshest clubs in town and most of the elite mommies in the school are invited. Siao Cha Bor not included la ! See, Siao has no rich husband to say" today my lou kong dunno wats wrong, I think mid life crisis, he buying a porche worr" or " my lou kong bought me the latest handfone" or " this weekend my lou kong and I going for weekend shopping and staying at the Oriental Bangkok " or " last week at Tiffany's" or " my anniversary at ........." . And the list continues..........

Segregation is awful. Yes, choose our friends wisely. Afterall, there are many types of people with funny characters and different background.

So, family background and financial standing and social status do play an important role. It is a passport to everything? Is it a passport to happiness? Is it whoever who marries a rich man is the cleverest?

I remember meeting this woman , an ex Ms......( hint hint, land of pomelos). When she knew about my" no lou kong: status , she comforted me. Aawwww, I was so touched ! For a moment, I thought I have made a friend. She told me there was a Millionaire social gathering coming up and I could meet a lot of high society people and maybe "fish" a rich man that night. All I had to do was purchase a ticket costing $xxx.00 to find the man of my dreams? or her dreams? Mmmm.....? I was given a first hand lecture on how to be rich and glamorous.

Ms. Pomelo : If you want to be rich or know a rich man, you need to mingle with the rich
only. Forget about the rest of your "useless" friends.

Money, money and money again. Always money. Sure, we all work for money and it is just human for wanting more money and for wanting a better quality of life. Nothing wrong with that.

But, to what extent do we allow money to rule us? When does the moulding process begin?

Ey, is this too deep or am I just going nuts?

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Sweet woman vs Lou Kong ( round one)

Today is going to be a long day for me and I am already hard pressed for time but I just need to get this out of my system before I embark on my first assignment for the day. And believe me, I, the glutton, am eating fresh fruit salad for breakfast ! And in 8 years, today is the first day that I woke up late, 10am. I feel guilty, rotten; this waking up after 7 am makes me feel not right. But then again, it brought me inspiration to blog which is why I am doing it now despite the busy schedule.

I was waiting for baby at her art class yesterday and there were many mommies and daddies waiting for their babies. I usually do not attend such classes during weekends; I hate weekends because I cannot bear to see "intact" families happily shopping and having a great family weekend. Anyway, off we went to her class la.....the thought of seeing happy families together with me feeling lousy did not even cross my mind.

Of course, the reception area was swamping with eager moms and dads and maids. Some fathers sat at the reception "kwai kwai" waiting for their babies while their wives shop at the complex for an hour, some maids waiting like zombies but one father I saw was working on his notebook while waiting for his baby. Wah! So busy, somemore he "donates" some "precious" time with his family. Not bad, not bad. His wife must be the luckiest woman; man also got, money also got, baby also got, " hourglass figure" oso got......whatelse also got la.....I can imagine house and car and the number of maids and so on and so forth.

So, so , this "knight in shining armour daddy" was working diligently on his computer that his baby had finished class with him not noticing.

Black as charcoal her face, heat of 100 degress Celcius her skin, ...stomp...stomp...stomp....wah, his sweet sweet wife turned into a dragon lady. This happy woman opened her M 16 mouth and words tasting of gunpowder came shooting.

Sweet Woman :" You never see she come out already meh?"
Lou Kong :* tadak respondse, type type his notebook, macam telinga tersumbat*
Sweet Woman : "Why must you always spoil our outings ah"

Er, I was just standing next to the man and I was thinking " should I walk away, I feel awkward" or just stay put and pretend that I pulak telinga tersumbat and mata buta. Ok la, to not make everyone feel bad, I took the latter advice. I glued myself to the floor, focused my eyes at my baby through the partition and opened my ears big big. Actually any deaf person also could hear them hurling bullets at each other. Tsk tsk tsk.......

Lou Kong : * still working on his notebook* but with his eyes "communicating" with his
sweet wife

* woman, can you not M 16 all the time ah*
* can give me some face ah*

Sweet Woman : We are going shopping first

Lou Kong : *already very pissed looking* but nevermind, he could still tahan,
" shall we have lunch first?" in a nice controlled voice

Sweet Woman : *quiet quiet but her pretty face like going to have him as char siew rice*
stomped out the shop liao with a don't care attitude

Eeeee...... the situation was so tensed and awkward. By then there were many spectators viewing free show.

Lou Kong slammed his notebook, follow his woman kwai kwai and continue with their" happy" family outing.

Haiya, weekend is the only time to spend quality time with families. I am sure there are many options to avoid such tense situation. Her lou kong could do his work at home and not follow them to class but later join them for nice teatime or just family member only ( without the damn laptop ) outing la. I was sad to see this.

Communication and respect for each other are 2 such vital point that married couples tend to forget and are taken for granted. it makes me not so envy happily married people afterall.

I felt soooo awfull after the family left the art class and it really taught me something which I did not really practice when I was married.

1. Respect each others time
2. Communication
3. Do not take each other for granted
4. Practice "please" and "thank you"policy
5. Spend quality time and not quantity time
6. Involve in an activity that both share common interest ( erm..besides bedexercise)
7. * still thinking*

I know this is none of my business but I cannot help thinking of them. I wish things turn out good and may them kiss and make up and not do this too often. It could be the beginning of many bad things.....

Some people have carved a happy marriage image for the public to view yet some did not even have to put such efforts in wearing a mask. I wonder who is real and who is not?
The old chinese proverb says " each family has its own problem,they may look blissful but behind those doors, you never know". How true.

Saturday, October 15, 2005

Rich and educated, so what?

So, now Siao Cha Bor is officially a single parent ( Ya, ya...ssshhh....I can go dating liao) . I finally landed myself here, on the single mothers group after putting all the shit with you-know-who. Hate the word "ex". Sounds like ex-convicts, ex Ms Malaysia, ex .......

The process of a breakup ( I hate to use the word Divorce) sent me to hell and back to earth. It took me one year to rediscover earth. This is the time when you know who your real friends are. Here, I also learn to categorise my friends into groups of dear friends, social friends and biatches. One year of roller coaster ride brought me to a whole meaning in life. I shall share with you.

Dear friends are those who will mended the holes in my boat while I was sinking. These are the people who stuck by me, through thick and thin. And from here, I managed to sieve out dear, social, teh tarik, morning tea and some biatchy friends.

Most of my encounters were good. Good encounters are boring. How about sharing with you some bitchy moments I experienced? I call it bitchy, how about you?

It was only weeks that the papers were signed. One fine day, after sending my baby to school, these women ( schoolmate's mothers) invited me for morning tea. They have made it a ritual to meet every Thursday for morning "gossip". So, as usual, being naive and all that, I was given a twirl around their conversation until one of them brought an interesting subject upon me.

Mrs. Bai : you know ah, I have this neighbour of mine who is in the verge of divorcing. She
has breast engorgement ( guys,if u don't know what this is, it is over production of
milk in the breast of a breastfeeding female which gives her great discomfort and
sometimes infection). She came over last night and ask me to bring her to the

Mrs.Chee : So,so, you brought ah?

Mrs. Bai : sure la. at first, my" lou kong" offered to chauffer her but I think think also
dangerous la

Mrs. Chee : why dangerous?

Mrs. Bai : aiyo, you know how vulnerable a divorcing woman is la. after she "do funny things
with my "lou kong" ,how leh?

All were silent. Then she said to Siao Cha Bor, "ey, , I didn't mean you ah"
What the fuck? Was that plot for me? Was the morning coffee plotted for me? Geees, Chee and Bai, what the fuck was that all about? Oh, nevermind la. I veli the big hearted one. Forgive and forget. Makan, makan half way,

Mrs. Bai : Cha Bor, who is supporting you financially now ah?

Kannasai chao cheebai, so the morning coffee was afterall a plot to korek korek about my life.
Larry King Live also cannot be compared with these 2 Chee Bais.

Ok la, I must admit, my "tahan" level is not bad and this is rated by most of my friends.

End of story?

Tsk tsk tsk, not yet..... once caught in a bait, its not easy to escape.

One fine day, under the pretext of visiting me in my house, they asked to see..........

See what leh?

Yes, see my Wedding Photos ! Funny thing was, the previous night I had cleared all my wedding pictures away. Gladly, I showed the 2 farting Chee Bais.



These 2 CheeBais and god knows how many more ChaoCheeBye women are using the school as a gossip venue. Early early in the morning the gossip has begun. At one time I even overheard the gossips about some woman's ( victim) husband. Aiyo, calling all CCBs ah, could you all please not talk about other people's husband in the school? Let alone, with all the seasonings, the story may come out "juicier" than expected. Then what? The matter will become bigger and juicier and then what? Happy to see other people sad? Is that all they care about in their spare time?

But, I have these women to thank. I took it as polishing and I really grew stronger from these harsh remarks. Not all women will walk with you on your difficult journey; not all will symphatise with you. Some will use this as their weapon.

Oh, I almost forgot, these women are university graduates and from elite families. See how "lowly" they can get? No matter how rich you can be, how educated you are, your character and behaviour gives you away. Do humility and compassion ring a bell?

Friday, October 14, 2005

And you call my job peanuts?

Being a parent is hard work. Responsibilities after responsibilities which I never forsee before partaking this route. It would be good if there is an organization which counsels soon-to be newly weds on the meaning of marriage and steps in making a new family. How long can you lovey dovey? When does reality set in? What to expect in making a family? Financially and mentally stable? Not to scare you but if you are not ready, do not embark on this journey.

When the baby came, it was the most wonderful thing that has ever happened to me. Hearing the baby's first cry from birth is something that I cannot put here in words. Months came and years passed. Baby is growing so fast that before I realise, baby is off to primary school. Everything means $$$. Books, tuition, food, health care, clothes, etc etc etc...... Money chasing after me when it should be the other way around. I should be running after the money !!!

Being a parent itself is challenging yet exhausting especially when there is no participation from the other half. A typical sane day for me would start at 6.00am whereby breakfast is made, lunch and snack pack for school is prepared, me getting ready then waking up baby, getting her to brush her teeth, wash her face, wear her uniform, eats her breakfast and bla bla bla....zoooom the car whisks her off to school. Aaah.....can go for a cuppa coffee.....heck NO ! Off to work it is.

Then of course there are certain days when she needs to go for tuitions. The chauffering and waiting game is truly energy draining. Evening? prepare dinner and assis in school assignments.

After baby settles in for the night, oh boy, do I have the time to have my own time out. Of course, I have not included the household chores here yet but I do not want to dwell into that. Being a housewife was rewarding when you see your family being welltaken care off and happy. It is a shame when people do not regard "homemaker" as a job. Being Jack of all Threads, the tasks of a homemaker includes:-

Plan - plan menus
Marketing - things to buy in the market to minimise expenses which brings us to
Finance and Budgeting
Management - sees that everything saisl smoothly
Operations - ironing, cleanin, throwing rubbish, cooking, washing which brings to good
Time Management
Runner - running daily errants like paying bills and banking

A man once asked me the nature of my job. I have to admit, in the very beginning, when I was a housewife, I was shy to say the "homemaker" word because this job is not considered a job. It is so looked down upon that I was ashamed of it. Ashamed that despite the fact thatI am a university graduate, I chose the "easy way" out. That was how I saw myself. That was how the man I spoke to, saw me. His words stuck in me till today. " Oh, easy job la, just wash , clean only maa.....easy la, no need to use brain one..." That was how homemakers are viewed.

Homemakers are discriminated even by their own species. Working women, career women and even , don't be surprised, your own children also discriminate homemakers. I once stumbled a bunch of kids asking each other what their parents work as. This girl replied shyly, " My mom is JUST a housewife, nothing much to tell"....I do not like the word " JUST". I bet if her mother hears of that, her heart will ache.

Well, let me tell you, there are some women who will give up their careers for the family. My mother did it, I did it and some of my friends who are university graduates also did it. So, what's the problem with homemakers? And who ever says homemaking is a peanut job?

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Little Chef

I did't last long ! They were staring at me. Damn ! There were 5 left and Baby had 5 herself.

The minute they came off the oven, the aroma of apple muffin diffused into the bedroom. Snore, snore, did not affect me. I have made a vow to keep to strict diet starting today and avoid non sugary food .

2 hours have passed and I was still doing ok until I came home from my drum class and I just had to taste my dotter's skill. I wonder if she has the flare like her mother? One bite turned into 2 . Then crumbs on the table. Yikes....gone in 30 seconds. I must say my little one does have a flare for baking and she takes after her mom, ME.

Baby, you are the best and mummy is real proud of you.

The sweetest thing that she told me was, "Mom, I will not leave you behind after I marry. I want you to come stay with me after I get married".. Thanks baby ! Mummy loves you very much.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Chatroom Massacre

This whole blogging game is all new to me but it has opened a new dimension for me to other people's world. Instead of hanging around the chatroom night after night, I was introduced to blogging by a friend who was so kind to create my own blog and to help me familiarise with the blogging system. Before 2004, I did not know what a blog is. I hung around the chatroom hoping to find a person who will listen to my problems. I had not way of letting out my frustration and my thoughts. I taught myself how to chat online and there I was, not too long then, I was a self-proclaimed chatworm.

Night and day, day and night, I "lepak" in the chatroom, hoping to find a decent person to talk to me. I was so naive ! I have been chatting online for 2 whole years and probably chatted with thousands of chatters.

The chatroom is like an ocean. There are many fishes ; some are ikan bilis ( they are usually the amateurs) and some are sharks ( veterans). Most of the chatters I chatted with were males; I tried females too but I get brushed off ( chatters usually do not chat with their own species). Anyway, I have become all too familiarised with the culture of the chatworld to the extent that I could forsee the chatters next question and where his questions will lead to.

People go to the chatroom for many reasons. Some go in to look for genuine friends, some look for "extra curricular activities", some go in to kill time and many more countless reasons.

I have encountered along the way single men , married men and gays. Because of the nature of their work, some single men have opted this way to get to know female friends. Well, it is unfair for me to say that the chatroom is full of scums.... I am sure there are some nice people but it is like finding a needle in a haystack. My cousin met his wife through the chatroom and they are happily married. So, there is a light at the end of the tunnel afterall.

Married men? Usually they come into the chatroom during office hours, after 5 pm or late at nights when their family is sound asleep ( these men would use excuses like doing their emailings and working online). There is much hanky panky going on regardless of the time, be it daytime or night time. It usually starts off with a nice "hello" and "asl" and once the ball starts rolling, raunchy chats surface. Cheapthrills, yes, they are looking for. The minute they ask for vital statistics, ladies, get your nike shoes on and run. No point entertaining these men looking for cheapthrills. Now why do they ask for your height and weight if they are just in there for "pure" chats ONLY? Think about it.....height and weight...mmm ....these men must be having their imagination run wild if you ever disclose your vital statistics. I always ask them if they are looking for a maid since they like to ask for biodatas. I have come to a point where I have nearly lost confidence in men. The chatroom has opened my eyes to a whole new world; a world I never knew existed and it scares me a lot especially these people who come into the chatroom are people who are normal during the day and by night, they transform into another person entirely just like Dr Jekyl and Mr. Hyde.

I do not wish to dwell further as it will paint a very ugly but real picture of the chatworld. My friend fell victim to the chatting business and it nearly cost her marriage. She was chatting from her office and she told me she met her soulmate in the chatroom. Months have passed . The relationship with the chatter grew stronger and the time has come for them to exchange phone numbers. The number that she was given was all too familiar. For a minute, she thought she was dreaming but when reality struck, she knew she had to face the music. Little did she know that the person she was flirting with, her so-called soulmate was indeed her husband. He was also looking for some "activities" without his wife's knowledge ! It nearly ended their 10 years marriage.

Parents, please be aware of what your children are doing with their pcs. Monitor them closely.

I must say, for many scums that I have come across, I have been lucky to find a few needles in the haystack. One of them is my friend, who has introduced me to blogging. With the blogs, I finally manage to get in touch with real issues , real people. I get to read their thoughts and visualise their visions. Rant or no rant, I personally find that reading blogs is much better than "loitering" in the chatroom. Now, my time is mostly spent here but occassionally I still visit the chatroom to find out more on interesting characters.

I'd like to convey my sincerest gratitude to Uncle for pathing this way for me. At least I managed to get out of the chatroom before I brain fart myself ( psycho myself) and harbour negative views on men. Thank god, I am saved in the nick of time.

Hey, will I get sued by Yahoo?

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Life is like Snake and Ladder Game

Have you ever played " Snake and Ladder" boardgame? Shame on you if you haven't. Go to any toystore and get one, sometimes they sell it at the Indian stationary shop too. No, no, don't put on your running shoes, come back, don't runaway, I am not the promoter for the boardgame, don't worry. Read this, no charge!

I very much relate the game to life. As the saying goes, life is full or ups and downs ( like a roller coaster). Full of excitement, don't you think? Snake and Ladder is a "fun" game, if you can relax and enjoy.

How do I connect this to my life? Being a parent is not easy , let alone being a single parent. It is physically and mentally draining but it is worth every minute when with you child. The initial few steps were difficult, uncertain and painful. As like the boardgame, I took one step at a time and when I encountered a "bite" , the "sliding down a few notches" was not a nice feeling. I felt life is soo cruel and unfair. The worse was it took me a long time to start walking the paths again.

It has taken me a year to pull up my socks and start sailing through the paths a little easier. Each snake bite has become less painful . I can say my life is starting to roll again and I am looking forward .......but sure,sometimes there are moments when I feel a slight sting.

I have been avoiding family reunions and social gatherings.... I even went to the extent of not attending any kid's birthday parties celebrated at home because these parties tend to be more family oriented. I know I would feel so leftout. I only attended those parties celebrated at party parlours because most fathers would be absent from these events. You won't see my face at birthdays and I even avoided Chinese New Year but there is no escape from giving out angpows ! Hey, does that mean I can join in the "singles" category and accept ang pows again this year? ( And also, psst... pssst... I am trying to tell you I am single and available also, got anyone want to date auntie here ah)

This year has been good. I finally learn to enjoy the game because I have learnt to loosen up. It has been a 360 degress turnaround for me. I push myself to make public appearances ( wah, like Hollywood star) and learn to shut my ears from unwanted comments ( ear plugs come in , no, no need to buy, just get the ones they give out at the aeroplane , they are good enough), Yes, it can be hard listening to harsh comments especially coming from species from the same planet, Venus. (Have you ever read the book "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" ? If you haven't, don't buy....its crap but if you are in my position (hurtful 2004) then buy la buy la, for retail therapy sake.) Not all species from Venus will symphatise with you. There are biatches . These Biatches will use this opportunity to rub salt into you wound and oh boy, is it painful. Ooooo..... I will get back to these biatches on my next chapter because you will never imagine what my own species can do when it comes to gossipping and "unintentionally" using this as an opportunity to hurt your feelings. And also, thanks to these biatches, I now can categorise my friends to a few groups like ...........oh I shall dwell more in my next chapter. Remind me.

Back to family reunion, yesterday was my first exam. It was my cousin's wedding dinner. All were invited. I had reservation on going. I did not want to attend. Lazy. No! Scared. Maybe. Scared I may cry ( for happiness or sadness). NO! You can say this is very bad of me to harbour these thoughts but my aunt was right. She saw through me. She knew why I was scared. I was scared for the newly wed. Of course I wish them eternal happiness but deep, deep in me, I was scared for them. Marriage is like a gamble. I failed in mine. I do not wish to hear of another. Aiyo, if any of my relatives were to read this, they will curse me till kingdom comes laa, so..... kong kong , porr porr, ah yer,ah ma, yee soke, sam soke, khao kong, yee ma, kuu cher, kuu ma, uncle, aunty, er, who else have I missed out...... I did not say this with ill intentions. Here, I spit 3 times "phuuuuii, phhhuuuui, phhuuuuiii" and all the negative ions have been neutralised. Ok, back to the wedding.

For my child's sake ( it is her first time attending a grand wedding dinner) , I attended. As the wedding day drew closer and closer, I felt ........nothing. No extra heartbeat, no cold sweaty palms, I did not feel anything. No feeling of sadness, not even a tear forming in the corner of my eye. I did not even have to bite my lips to stop myself from crying. It is already 24 hours passed the dinner and I am writing this calmly. No tears while I write this.

I deeply and truly wish eternal bliss to the happy couple. If not for my kid for pestering me to attend, I will still be in my nutshell. If not for the encouragement of a fren whom I call "Uncle Hansem", I would still be in my nutshell. Whatever it is, in the end of the day, I will still have to face the music. Better face it now, so that I can move on . I have passed the exam. I shall take each "bite" like another sting. Hansem, make sure you issue me a Certificate of Attendance.

To console myself, at least I get to wear my nyonya kebaya and dress to KILL. I do not give a damn..... dress to kill it was ! And, and yeh, yeh yeh, I can still fit into the kebaya 8 years ago, meaning my figure is still ok horr? ( I did not wear corsets and girdles, all genuine la, please). So, anyone want to date aunty ah? OMG, this is the second time I am hinting....Geeeees.......

Saturday, October 08, 2005

Meow !

Forgive me for ranting AGAIN at this early hour. I remember the last posting was a little obscene; I shall try to behave accordingly this time. And so the story sails...........

My daughter was so looking forward to having her own study desk. I bought a reasonably priced desk ( yes, you can still find some reasonably priced items at Ikea) yesterday and it was to be delievered today. No, it was not the delivery that went wrong; everything was fine until the delivery boys opened the desk and I found that it was blue in colour. I don't want a blue desk as they harbour mosquitoes . My kid is very prone to mossies bites. The boat is still sailing on calm waters. The boys asked if I wanted to exchange. Sure, afterall, thats one of Ikeas policy. These boys were helpful. They called the office to ask for the colour ( white) that I wanted and if it was still available.

By looking at the face of the boy who called, I knew a storm is brewing. Mmmmm.....don't tell me I have to reveal my true colours again at this hour of the morning. Damn "soi" to curse in the morning laaaaarrrr.........So, I was passed the phone to the office person who was handling this case. Aisey, before I could even start talking, she already said it was my mistake . WTF? Excuse me, sayang, what mistake? OOh, she was penalising me for asking for assistance in carrying the heavy carton to the trolley at the godown yesterday. If you are not familiar with how Ikean works, this is how it goes. You see what you like at the showroom, you write down the code, be it F13 or B 3, then you go downstairs to the godown and claim the goods by YOURSELF. Fair enough, if it is a small item, we can handle it by OURSELVES. The farting problem is,this Missy on the phone said that the item which I bought needed no assistance at all and that I should be the one to be blamed for taking the wrong item.

(Censorship needed and parental guidance needed) Storm upgraded to hurricane.
What the ma cipek you talking about? That farting box was so heavy and even the guy who helped me was having trouble taking it. Moreover, I have chronic backpain. And the person who helped me was nice enough to help me and he did not say that the item is self serviced ! In fact, most Ikea staffs are nice right down to the delivery boys. That biatch made me eat the biggest and deadliest cat ( thats a chinese proverb when someone accuses you without a blink of an eye) in the morning. To firstly blame on the customer without listening to reasoning and to talk like a biatch is uncalled for. I am sure this small matter can be resolved without much hassle. But at 9.30am, someone nice comes feeding you dead cat. Alpo or Frieskies or even Scooby snacks tastes better than her dead cat ! She puts the blame all onto me. And she even told me " This is the last time I am doing this for you" What the fart is that? PMS is it? No excuse. GO TAKE HORMONE REPLACEMENT !

I will get to the bottom of this. I want to know from Ikea that is it the company's policy not to help customers with the loading of heavy items from the godown isles? And does that mean the physically unfits and the senior citizens are not welcomed to shop at Ikea? Most Ikea staffs are friendly and this rotten farting biatch comes spoiling the name for you, Ikea. Tsk...tsk...tsk... you better find out who she is . She may have done this to other customers and giving Ikea a bad name. Sad to say but the truth is, people tend to take notice more on poor services.

By the way, for those who do not know what Alpo or Frieskies are, they are specialists in dogs and cats delicacies !

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

Not All WhiteCollar Workers Are Gentlemen!

I am very fucked up today. Usually, I will not swear or curse in my posts but YOU, yes , you lumpha face, left me no choice but to show my true colours today. If I were to write this a few hours ago, I am sure you will just see words which can't be found in the dictionary.

It all started with us , old schoolmates, meeting up for breakfast at Kim Gary's. My friend brought along her 2 toddlers. It was the peak period, there were no big tables for us. Nevermind la, we combined 2 tables BUT it was not safe for the toddlers . As a mother, I can forsee what would happen if the kid were to stand on the chair or if the kid had accidentally knocked the hot coffee whilst the waiter was serving us.

I scanned through the whole cafe and aaaah...I saw this person leaving so me, as usual, when it comes to getting a place, I am quick as a lightning. In a nice way, you can say I am fast but in a nasty way, yes la, kiasu is the word. So, I slipped up from my chair and slided into the 6 seater sofa. Yeh, Yeh, Yeh, I did it again. But...I saw this man ( patron) standing next to me. I looked at him and said we have kids and we need a bigger table. Besides, the current place we were at was dangerous for the kids . Guess what the guy told me? Errrm..mind you ah, he was smartly dressed. Mmm , in my mind I thought, " He sure say OK, he so the gentleman looking maa"
What do you think he said leh?

Aiyo, before you decide on your answer, can I be UNladylike and swear tonight ah? TIU NIA SENG CHAO LUMPHA. He said the table couldn't fit 6 of us anyway. OK ! OK! I don't want to make a fuss ... errrm..I was wearing something very pretty pretty today so I didn't want to create a market scene. People were already staring at us and I bet they must have thought a "fight" may be coming up and they must be placing a bet liao . OK la, I lost, no, I stood up and gave my seat to him. The phrase "the fastest wins" did not apply this morning. I sat down on the chair first, by right I should get the table. Just like musical chair game, the one who sits on the chair WINS. Nevermind la, I gave up the seat to him.

And the most tuu lun ciao is what ah? That MOTHERFUCKER, KANNE BO LUMPHA ( all his balls must have shrivelled up like raisins and his PRICK must me hiding in between his thighs) did not order anything except a hot tea and his newspaper. Wah Lun eh, I tell you ah, me at that moment cursed him sure today do business bankrupt ! That Bor Lumpha Mother Fucker Chao Lunciao had the nerve to take up a 6 seater table and just order a cuppa tea? At least order some food la, make the competition worth a bit more ! And the weirdest thing was, we all did not see him coming from the main door. He had actually appeared from nowhere and just stood in front of my "suppposedly" victorious medal. Where on earth did this guy come from?

So, you see, be it you are a university graduate or a whitecollar worker, it shows in you character and not your credentials! Sorry no offence, people. I am not perfect also but at least I know what CONSIDERATE is. I wonder if his wife were to be in my shoes, how tuulun would he feel? Maybe he doesn't have that kinda FEEL because he has no BALLS.


Ahhhh.... tonite I can have a good glass of guinness ! Cheers!

Oh, oh, I was damn fucked but guess what? I replayed and replayed ( wah, like in a film shoot, I already took 20 to 30 NGs already) the scenario and I am soo happy I did not make a scene. Mind you, I am a very hotheaded person and I always fight for my RIGHTS. Instead of arguing with him, I did a very "gentleman" thing and that was to give up the table for him, went back to my old table and waited for another available table. And true enough, just a minute passed and there was a 6 seater table vacated. This time I told the waiter I wanted the table badly because of the kids. The waiter, a junior waiter, UNDERSTOOD ME. He cleaned the table and relocated us. Nice but not soooo nice. Why leh ? Oh damn, I was facing the LUMPHA FACE and I lost my appetite!

Tuesday, October 04, 2005


Life is full of ups and downs, in and out, left and right but there are some things that will lift up your spirits....little things which you may find it a surprise ! Different people have different levels of satisfaction and the most commonly heard comments are , " You are never satisfied, aren't you?"

I was once like this. Humans ARE never satisfied la ! If we have enough money, we WANT more. If we have one wife, we want another ( now please do not get me wrong, gentlemen , but, that is the truth and the truth always hurts). And if we already possess a car, we may want a bigger car or a faster car ( geees, don't know where they want to lumba to, you think this is F1 racing ah?) Satisfied? No?

Aaaah, I give you what satisfaction is. A cuppa good coffee is satisfaction. Having a healthy body is satisfaction. For me, it is when you pay at the pay counter and the cashier wishes you warmly with a " Hi, how are you today"( genuinely ah and not with a plastic smile with a voicemail tone). I got that a lot when I was in Hawaii. It comes out naturally, with a warm smile. The closest I get is from Giordano Singapore. These people are trained well and each person who comes into the shop, be it he/she buys or not, is greeted warmly. But...but the Giordano at HK is a little over exaggerating ( for me).

Got my point so far? Yes? No?
Take me, for example. There was a day, when I was just stepping into the lift when the door nearly made me into a Siao_Cha_bor juice. This uncle was kind enough to press his finger onto the "open" button ( wah, to me, he is already gentleman enough). Then he started to ask me what was I in the club for. I said I wanted to learn swimming but I was too shy. He told me everyone learns no matter where we are and how old we are. He gave me a word of encouragement and I felt good. I had this funny feeling ( no, its not orgasm la, ok) . It was hard to explain but I think it would be my inner self, my spirit, my soul. Yes, I felt a lift. And this feeling really retained in me for the entire day and it was this small remark that really made a big difference. Little things like this is a bonus to our souls.

Now , can you make a connection between the uncle at the club, the cashiers at the stores in Hawaii and Giordano Singapore? Its the little "hello" or the "how are you today" that makes you feel that you are YOU ! So, when you feel good, do you feel there is a self satisfaction?

Try, try greeting with " How are you doing today" or like my daughter commented on her teacher " Miss D, I really love your earrings". Wouldn't the receiving end be happy?