So, you think I am nuts?

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Today I want to "fatt ngap foong", can ah?

This week has been hellish. More like, "tuulun".

Monday...nearly got killed by a car. Fucking Ah Beng drove the car like going to "reincarnate" or more like going to have a premature ejaculation. About to cross the road, a blue wira swerved into a parking bay a la Starsky and Hutch style. Fast, furious, reckless. The kiasu driver sped at top speed just to secure the empty bay,fearing it would be occupied. At that moment also, I stepped foot onto the road. Maybe a nanosecond may have created history for me. You all may have to burn a laptop, printer, digital camera and burn your comments to me.

Nevermind. But, there was a puddle of dirty water aaaaaannnnnnd....."splash" . Yes, onto me. Knowing me, a fighter cock, I was just about to open my mouth and scold "niaseng" but thank god, I didn't. There were 4 samsengs in the car and I wouldnt want to know the consequences of me telling them off.

Nevermind. Chill. Haaa...haaa...fooooo....again.....haaaa.....haaaaa....fooooo
Don't want unsightly crows feet.


Tuesday .

Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday!
Nothing special on Tuesday.
Ah Yat, my modem needed medical aid. Sigh...$$$$$$$

(Ah Fuu is my laptop, Ah Kwai is my mobile, Ah Yat , my modem)

Yesterday , another "tuulun" day. It started with the morning jam at 8am from Hartamas to Jalan Parlimen.

In front of me was a couple in a white proton wira.

From my windscreen I observe the girl keep bending towards the guy's lap and wild thoughts came across my mind. You know why I have these wild thoughts and why I am so "tuulun" with them?

Here is why : their car kept making jerking stops, braking inconsistently, forcing me to take pseudo emergency brakes all the way and the sight of that fucking bitch "bongkok" over his lap, please excuse me for harbouring such ill and wild thoughts. Here is what I thought.

girl : darling ah, you wan blow blow? ( she bending , leaning whole face on his lap)
the traffic so long, come, come, i blow ah

guy : yes...yes...ooooo ( jerk the car, move, brakes, stop, jerk, stop)

KNN....no...Kaan Nee Neh !

Fucking go blow in the dark while driving along the highway la...don't blow for the whole world
to see in the morning la.

Nevermind! Cool....coool.

girl : ey, you got pimple la...come, let me squeeze...(she leans towards his cheek and press the
pimple and sayang sayang his face then lean on his lap again)

guy :( car jerk,jerk, jerk.....)

By this time, I was very mad . To put harm on the road is inconsiderate. To show off him getting a blow in the morning...well....young man...go jerk in the cinema or in the bush la.

I , so, so buoy tahan liao. I also need to release my tension.

Then came along a nice black car at the next lane. Of course, my eyes wandered. Mmmm....nice guy. I looked at him. Hey, it is free...why not. So, feast my eyes. He feasted too.

Nevermind. Look la, for all I care. He went pass me. I thought it was sayonnara. But, I caught up. This time, we both checked each other out again. Well, no harm, right. So, I waved at him and gave him a smile.

Siao ka?

Aaahh....I have released my tension also. No need blow...no need play tofu...no need angry...no need jerk. A smile at a stranger will do, won't it?

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Siew Yoke , Char Siew

Actually, I wasn't in the mood to blog but while I was driving to the orphanage this morning, Jomel's photos of the succulent siew yoke ( not Jomel's siew yoke, ok) came across my mind. Damn juicy looking. It reminded me of Overseas Restaurant's "mat chap char siew" (honey roasted char siew). You can actually see the shiny coating of the char siew roasted till perfection with a hint of overburn at both ends of the meat. And guess what? The char siew is marbalized with fats and lean meat. Now, that is what I call Char Siew. Char siew cannot be lean meat all the way. It has got to have streaks of fats to make it juicy. During the chewing process, the combination of the lean meat, the fats, the honey and the intensity of the bbq heat ( fire) will bring the best flavour out. Good or not?

Another place for char siew rice is at one stall behind the old Cathay cinema at Jalan Bukit Bintang. It is actually behind the cinema which is now an open air car park. I can't remember the name but it is popular amongst the office people. Nice big car owners frequent this place too.

As for siew yoke, I find Mr.Ho has got nice ones except $$$$$ not so nice. Very expensive for siew yoke but when you take the first bite, you will think," Ah, never mind la the price, I need to pamper myself." The skin of the siew yoke is sooooo crispy. You can actually hear the crackling sound when you bite on it. The flavour is just right; not to bland and meaty in taste, not too salty. Juuust right!

I heard of a place in Pudu which is good for the siew yoke. Located at the corner shoplot near Hiong Kong Departmental Store, this places serves siew yoke, char siew, kai fan but their specialty is siew yoke. Apparently they only start serving you at 11am. I shall try it out one day.

Damn! I can't shake the thought of the Overseas Restaurant's honey roasted char siew. I can even visualise it now...the shiny coating of the meat calling me......."lai ...lai....lai".



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Remember I was walking "kaki kangkang" one midnite in my previous post?
I had satay and nasi lemak. Check it out at magical mana

Friday, March 31, 2006

Monthly Bills

I never believed that PMS exists. Now, I do. Well, besides the craving for a certain food, the emotion swings like a pendulum. Yesterday was great; with all the food accompanying me ending with a sinful supper of satay and nasi lemak AGAIN.

Funny, 2 different people brought up the same topic at a 2 hour interval which deeply affected my thoughts. I brushed it aside though. Oh, it was nothing bad about me but the topic made me "tak shiok" somehow. I managed to douse it with my satay and nasi.

I thought by today, it would go away. It did not. It is like a needle piercing me and I can't get rid of it. Plus, another touchy subject that embraced me late this afternoon, I am now succumbing to my not-so-good mood. I would love to blame it on the poor PMS management. Hopefully, by tomorrow I will be back to Ah Siao. Perhaps, a drink or two will help ease my mind. I don't like to feel sane...this is not ME. I want my insanity back.


By the way, I only had a Happy Meal today. You think perhaps its the sudden decrease of food intake that contributed to the mood swing?


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I am so ashamed! Been around for 3 decades and YET.....I did not know there are so many types of cups in bras. Tsk tsk tsk....I have shamed the female species.

The hunt was not on food today. It was on bra. Did you know that there are so many types of cup? Ranging from full cup, 1/2 cup, 3/4 cup , french cut cup, party bras, soft cup, underwired, and bla bla bla. Did you know that a 1/2 cup bra gives a different result from a 3/4 cup bra ? I didn't. But, now I do.

Different cups make different Wonders. Man, I tell you, what miracles they do for you. I have found the answer to deepen the" longkang susu" already. Thanks to my research. If I knew the existance of such bras, I wouldnt have made a fuss about it last week.

Today, women are so spoilt for choice. T shirt bras, french lace bras, wonder bras, halter bras maximizer bras, you name it, they have it. Thanks to Research and Development, the bra companies are able to provide us with such beautiful creations which enhances our breasts . A little lift to the solo papaya makes a great difference. Probably boost our confidence too.

So, did I end up buying?


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I am going to fix a drink now. I shall blog and rant if I am still around.

Makan Day

My day started fruitfully . Remember my food crazee swings? Well, I was told that the foodcourt at Dataran Maybank is good for Malay food. I was around the area so I checked the place out. It didn't look as great as it sounded, so I would strike off the place to conquer.

My second shot was at Rebung. It is a nicely tucked away restaurant serving authentic Malay food from Rembau prepared by Chef Ismail. It was 11.00am but what the heck, I decided to do some investigating before I sacrifice my tummy and succumb to my desire.

The aroma of fresh curry filled the little place as I walked into the restaurant. I asked the waiter about the restaurant . He signaled the person in charge to attend to me. Frankly, I just wanted to find out what type of food they serve. Speaking to anyone will do but nooooooo......He, the manager, came out personally to attend to me. He must have thought I was some big fish. Could he have thought I was a Datin ah? Today, I felt "chio chio hiao hiao" so I dressed in my kurung. No la! I am only an ikan bilis ( the smallest and cheapest breed). Anyway, he was friendly and his gaze was mesmerising. I definitely have to makan there and it has got to be as quick as possible because I worry my desire for Malay food will fade.

My mini orgasm for the day was at Devi's Corner. I just had to have it. Yes....lunch was briyani with mutton masala, saffron cabbage, sambal siao cha bor and ayam goreng. The "handsome" who served me told me to visit Devi's Corner in the morning. Mmmmm... I thought, "Saya kejer pagi, you mari pagi la", he said. Aiyer....notti . Like that pun boleh ka? I looked at him and said, " nasi ini bukan saya sajer yang makan, 3 orang makan punya la." It is true, ok. I shared with 2 other person. I went home with the tarr pao, and dug in the rice with my hand. Fucking damn chuuuun. The spicyness, the hot weather and the smell of Indian spice.....wah...syok, syok, syok. I know Lilian gonna say,"last nite she felt Malayish, today Indianish pulak". My right fingers smell of masala mutton.

For dinner, I had assam pedas ikan pari ( stingray) with pineapple. Damn again.

The above post was written at about 11pm when I was called for duty. I just came back from my On-call duty . It has been an aggressive night. CHaaaam! I had to walk kaki kangkang to my room and had trouble taking the stairs. Nearly "phok kai". People don't name me Siao DBKL truck for nothing, you know.

Hari ini saya sudah dosa. Besok mesti puasa. You think I can manage my fasting till lunchtime?

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Shiokalingam!



Yes...oh yes..more....oh...oh...yes...yes....oh my..please.......more ......oh...yes( bang the table)..............yes( bang the head)....oooooooooh!

Remember this scene in the movie "When Harry met Sally" ? Sally ( Meg Ryan) was having an orgasm( fake) while having her sandwich with Harry (Billy Crystal). Now, twist the story a little and pretend that the sandwich was THAT great to give her such pleasure.

It was 8.00am this morning. It happened in a hut. The hut had many men...taxi drivers, actually. And the main character was NASI LEMAK. I was contented with the hunt. Actually, I had the crave since last Saturday after " jogetting" session but I just could not find the RIGHT nasi lemak and the desire grew stronger and stronger as the days went by until I sent an SOS 2 nights ago asking for a good nasi lemak place.

Thanks to all the contributions. I shall try each place when possible.

I had a tester with me this morning. We headed for the hut at Sri Hartamas like bulldogs, frothing saliva oozing out from the corner of our mouths. It was a row of mamak-like stalls near the T junction of Sri Hartamas, opposite the Petronas gas station. Most of the patrons are taxi drivers. We headed for the first stall where we could mix and match the "lauk". By the way, all of the stalls served bungkus nasi lemak. My source told me that this particular stall ( the one closest to the link houses) serves the best nasi. And so, I ordered a "biasa" tambah daging and ayam goreng and a teh tarik. Tsk...tsk...tsk...such a sin in the early morning. My tester had a "biasa" with sambal kerang, ayam goreng and milo ais. Total cost was Rm11.

The steamy santan rice was ultimate. Not too soft, not to chewy. It was just right. Somehow, the feeling of the rice grain in my mouth mixed with the sweet sambal belachan made me (s)excited. Each bite of the sambal belachan entering my mouth made me pant and sweat. The dilated blood vessels in my body sent shock waves which gave multiple explosions. It was damn gooooood! And the place was RIGHT for a cuisine like this one. Not too clean, not to dirty...just the right atmosphere for the dish. Contented for today. Let's see when the next "ki siao" for nasi lemak mode comes again.

But now, I have something in mind. TOMYAM! Where can I get good tomyam ? I prefer to try it out at the Malay stalls instead of Thai restaurants. Oh, oh, I am into authentic kampung dishes as well. Anyone tried "Tupai-Tupai" and "Rebung" before? "Tupai-Tupai" is located a stone's throw from the Istana while "Rebung" is next to the Mango Tree Restaurant in Bangsar.

Suddenly I feel like "Orked", the girl in "Sepet". I guess I can always hide my extra tyres in the baju kurung huh?

Monday, March 27, 2006

100th Post

Today's post marks 100. Started out in September 2005, I slowly gained confident in writing, brushed up on my rusty English Language and collected fans/ friends throughout the past 7 months. And the least expected was to have the opportunity to meet up with some bloggers.

I am ever grateful to the person who introduced the blogging world to me. You know who you are. Thank you very much. Over the 7 months, I also have gained a steady group of "siao porr" and "siao kang" fans. Some siao comments, humsap ones and hearty ones really kept me in touch with the world. Before, I thought I was a fraction of the only few crazy and humsap people around. I thank god that I have met worse cases than me, which reassures me that I am not the only siao being around. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for all your support.

No oscars needed, no angpows or dinner receptions please. I am glad that I survived the 100th post and will continue to write till I find the first strand of platinum hair in my

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Cabai




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I have an urge.
It will give me wild orgasmic pleasures if I could get hold of it.
My weakness.
Can anyone tell me where I can get hold of a nice , warm, hot and spicy NASI LEMAK?


I got to have it .
I must have it.
My desire is peaking.
You got to help me.
Please, please, please.

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Joget

One bottle of Jack Daniels for Rm310.50

2 of us whacked half the bottle from 1030pm - 3am

joget, dangdut, footloose, hangloose, let loose

nasi lemak, maggi mee goreng, ais limau, teh ais for supper

home by 430am


venue: trekking at the Jungle again!

But, it was fun! The ah Bengs next table to us could not even keep up with our cardio workout.

Friday, March 24, 2006

Longkang Susu

Some may say cute
Some say small
Some say just right
Some will not even look

I have tried in vain the whole week
I pressed them
Squeezed them together with all my might
I even sucked in my breath

"Wonder"ring high and low
"Maximize" ing my time to search
but I failed to find the right push up BRA

Tell me how la
to construct the longkang deeper as
I have to fit into my bitchy top this weekend.


Signed,
DIstressed Solo Papaya


Ps. No reconstructive surgery and bicycle pumps, please.